tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-39208895608549549882024-02-21T23:58:34.693-08:00phdMinaMachellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18155829001264445204noreply@blogger.comBlogger115125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3920889560854954988.post-31249207538783303292013-10-21T20:53:00.001-07:002013-10-22T12:47:52.281-07:00adventure: Camden, NJ<div class="separator" data-mce-style="clear: both; text-align: center;" style="clear: both; color: #333333; font-family: Garamond, Georgia, Times, serif; font-size: 15.199999809265137px; line-height: 21px; text-align: center;">
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I have been running from my words.</div>
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A rush of syllables and phrases typically finds me immediately after an adventure, sweeping me up into a frenzy of movement. Pen to paper, fingers to keyboard. I am merely an instrument to what is trying to manifest itself. Though I felt the tug, this time, I resisted being taken under.</div>
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It felt laborious. It felt like obligation. It felt like a chore. Could it be because I knew I had a captive audience waiting for me and I felt pressure to fulfill said impulse? Truthfully, I believe it is because writing requires action. And at the time, I barely felt the will to move.</div>
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This catatonic state of numbness had been with me for about a month. I know how to continue on through the motions but this low had me at my wits end. The only phrase that seemed to sum up how I felt was "I'm done." I wanted the world to stop. I wanted the throbbing head pain, the hunger, the worry, the "I give 500% and you give 10% but we're still cool, right?" to just stop. I ached for the days when I would numb myself with smoking and drinking. I wanted to disappear but knew that I couldn't. Not because I cared, but because others did. And though that obligation to others can't persist as a will to carry on, it was enough to get me by.</div>
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I seemed to have foreshadowed this emotional state by purchasing a ticket to the Mars gig in Camden after I bought my ticket for the Hollywood Bowl. Something told me I would need a show for me. Hollywood would be an experience with my sister and it is never the same when I am with someone. I knew I would want to disappear into the Echelon and be devoured. I needed a vacation from myself, my life, and all roads pointed to Philly. The entire time I was there, I felt embraced by the Echelon and the music. There were no pre-tenses or pressure.</div>
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I felt like I could breathe. </div>
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This feeling mirrored a trippy experience I had a few weeks prior. For context, you should know that I am very visual person. And as such, I can see things very clearly that aren't in front of me in that moment. For example, I used to pick out my clothes for school while laying in the bed in a dark room with my eyes closed. In my mind's eye, I can hold vivid imagery and it is there that I came toe to toe with a certain Leto.</div>
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As I said, I had been in a bad mood for weeks and when I am like that, I know the best remedy for me is movement. Go for a walk or dance like there is no tomorrow. I walk everywhere but I hadn't danced in a long time. So I forced myself out of bed one Saturday, grabbed my headphones, and pressed play. Having had this habit for years, I've taught myself some tricks to keep me going. This is crucial since I have exercise-induced asthma which means that I become winded much quicker than my body grows tired. A few years ago, I realized that singing helps me get my breathing back under control. So as much I need to dance to let go, I also need to sing.</div>
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I ripped through Conquistador, Up in the Air, and The Race exorcising my thoughts with each flourish of my arms and shake of my hips. As the last notes of Pyres of Varnassi faded out, I could feel myself get dizzy, my chest heaving, and my hands searching for the nearest wall. I placed my forehead and palms against the cool surface as the first notes of Bright Lights began. As I tried to slow down my breathing, I closed my eyes. Then as clear as a VyRT broadcast, I saw Jared standing before me. Forehead to forehead to keep each other steady, we were eye to eye.</div>
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He was in full stage gear, all black with the fringe coat and no sunglasses, staring me down from onstage. I glanced around to ascertain our surroundings: Rock in Rio audience behind him, Shannon to the left and Tomo to the right. He was grinning at me, slightly squinting his eyes as if laying down a challenge, and he began to sing.</div>
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<em>Oh, ohoh, Oh ohoh...</em></div>
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I had already began and he seemed to be egging me on. Coaching me through each word, congratulating with each smile as I gained control over my voice and my chest no longer heaved. We belted out my second favorite song off the album together. At the end, I opened my eyes with a grin and chuckle. And as Do or Die began, I closed my eyes again to see if my vision was still with me and sure enough, there he was. We were in concert once again.</div>
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That closeness did not feel as foreign as one would imagine. I was more amazed by the clarity of my vision than being toe to toe with him. Through every VyRT, we've gotten closer because of the intimacy inherent to the medium. Not mention his uncanny ability to find the center of the lens, peer into your eyes, and reveal everything about himself and who you are without a moment's notice. I think being a VyRT veteran and just a general laid-back kind of a chick makes me not lose it when I have physical proximity to the guys. In fact, I remember rather vividly how a conversation played out at the beginning of soundcheck in Camden:</div>
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<li>Me: Yeah, that sounds great. We should do that...oh look there's Shann-</li>
<li>Ali: *runs off to right side of the stage"</li>
<li>Me: Oh ok...<br /><em>Few minutes later...</em></li>
<li>Me: Jared's here.</li>
<li>Girl in front of me: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!</li>
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My "lost it" moment came later once they performed my favorite song on the album: The Race. I remember having to remind myself to open my eyes. I was so busy singing, air drumming, and dancing that I just didn't think to look up. But I knew I wanted see Shannon play since I couldn't at Church of Mars in Boston. And I knew one of the benefits of being tall is that you are pretty much guaranteed to catch the eye of the vocalist. In that rare moment where both Jared and I had our eyes open at the same time, I got to sing with him while looking into his eyes. Not as close as my vision, of course, but it felt good to croon lyrics that mean a lot to me with the man who wrote them.</div>
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Soundcheck was filled with such great vibes and humor. I can rattle off my highlights from memory with ease:</div>
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<li>Shannon's shoe flying of the drum riser as he rushed to take it off and make the beginning of Northern Lights</li>
<li>Shannon drumming like he's a kid with a pencil on a cafeteria table as Jared rapped A Tribe Called Quest</li>
<li>The massive grin that Shannon had as he said "It was great." in response to the question "How was Walmart?"</li>
<li>Jared singing one line of Oblivion and Echelon to satiate the crowd</li>
<li>Jared and Tomo doing the banjo dance and Tomo professing "I feel like an American!"</li>
<li>Shannon raggin' on Tomo for not being on beat "C'mon man!"</li>
<li>Jared's corny jokes "I laugh because of your expression, not the joke..."</li>
<li>The young girl with a light up mohawk and cape</li>
<li>Jared saying maybe they could play Stronger though the only line he remembers is "You can be my black Kate Moss tonight" to which I replied, "Its a good line to remember" and got some laughs (It came to me instantly as did thoughts of Kianna)</li>
<li>Reni recognizing the Echelon Donates banner and saying "I know you guys, you do great things!"</li>
<li>Being told that I am the nicest tall person someone has met at a gig</li>
<li>Shannon saying beer can like a Shakespearean actor after Jared's accent lesson</li>
<li>Jared belting through Amazing Grace and part of Stay in between coughs</li>
<li>Being told to beware of the journalist by Jared "Don't trust a guy with a backpack in the pit"</li>
<li>Mentioning of New York and Boston shows possibly being added to this wackily organized US tour</li>
<li>When Ali, Mel, and myself took a picture and the guy taking it said "Ok, say Puberty!" and I just about died laughing.</li>
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It felt like the Church of Mars but less people and by that time in the day, I was miles away from myself. Though the whole day I'd been chatting to people and being introduced by Ali to everyone, I wasn't Amina. It was nice. I wasn't aware of myself. I wasn't thinking myself into oblivion. I was just waiting and relaxing with my folks. In this relaxed state, I looked up to see Shannon and Tomo walk through the foyer. There were no screams just turned heads and waves. Minutes later, I saw Stevie bop his way through. I love the pep in his walk and as I mimicked him to Mel, I saw a bright light to my right. Jared was coming through with a bit of a camera crew. Sill no screams, just turned heads and waves. I loved how mellow it all was.</div>
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Standing there, I noticed a huge poster above us for the show and took a picture. I mentioned it to Ali in passing, which of course lead her on a quest to see if we could get it for Echelon Donates. Her tenacity is something to be revered as I watched her sell totes as we waited. You could see the wheels constantly turning in her head. It makes me happy to know that I get to help keep the machine running. Like letting her know about the signing after the show so we could try to get it signed to raffle off. We were working as a team and it felt good to be doing something. My actions are what let me know my worth and after weeks of emotional paralysis, it felt good to be contributing again.</div>
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The opening band New Politics, which I had never heard of before, brought such energy that I felt myself losing my voice early. I had heard the vocalist was a dancer but when he did a body roll while standing on the crowd, he got my vote for any- and everything.</div>
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Then the wait........</div>
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The monstrously long wait that Jared later attributed to interviewing James Franco killed some people's buzz. But I was fine, just enjoying those I saw around me. An anxious 15 year old on my right with braces and dark eye makeup who was clearly at her first show. The older security guard to my left with the sweet smile who started to get a bit worried the longer it took. The girls a few rows in front of me who performed to every song played through the speakers, including a lively rendition of Treasure by Bruno Mars.</div>
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Just as I started to get aware of myself again, the lights went down.</div>
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Birth riles something primal in me, like how it feels when your eyes adjust to the dark. I just feel so in tune with my senses and ready for whatever is coming. And what greeted me was the warmth of Kings and Queens with the yellow lights and soaring voices. Thanks to my aisle seat I was able to lose myself. I actually jumped. Most time I just go up on my toes because I am so tall that it has the same effect, but this time my feet left the ground. It didn't matter to me what else was happening because ahead of me, I saw raised hands, a leaping guitarist, shining lights, a whirling mass of hair muscles and voice, light reflecting of cymbals in the distance as a bass drum vibrated my body and dictated my every move.</div>
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This is all that matters and somewhere in my mind, I knew it would be a shortened experience so I gave everything to every note. I jumped while I could and danced when I couldn't. I sang through every crack and cough even once my overpaid drink was gone. I went to church, bathed in sweat. embraced by voices, and commanded by lights. The gospel of living in the here and now shook through me. Someone behind me was having their own religious experience because when Jared sang "Where is your God?" during Hurricane and I heard a scream, "He's onstage!" Later on during the song, the unexpected "Yeah!" from a bass-laden voice made Jared stop and smile as a man was moved to testify.</div>
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I kept myself worked up through the last songs even though my legs and voice had given out. I was still there in the moment because it was pure. It was real and intimate but also big and bombastic. And I savored it because I knew I would have to let it go. The end of Up in the Air always seems to come to soon and before I knew it, the lights were raised. There were people scrambling everywhere and there were spots before my eyes. My body was trying to adjust to the shock. I found my folks and Ali asked me to come to the signing with her. I didn't care if I was the one who went with her but she offered so I was there to support her. I already got my signing in Boston, so I was good. I found Jennifer and Tiffany, who I had actually came with, and we all stood around to wait for the chaos to die down. I got to meet more members of Echelon Donates which was great. We chatted to pass the time but whenever I stood still, I could feel my muscles still vibrating.</div>
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Eventually, we made our way to the end of the line. Though the staff was being pushy about them only signing CDs, we got the gentlemen to sign it! As soon as Ali said Echelon Donates, there seemed to be a glint of recognition and acceptance. Shannon gave a look of, "Yea eff what they're saying I'm signing it!" Plus, I know they had to be aching for their hotel beds as much as we were at that point. They all quickly made their marks on the poster and our CDs, and I thanked them all feeling genuine gratitude for their willingness to bend the rules for us. I heard Jared say something to Shayla about the poster like he was concerned. I turned to see Ali being addressed by a member of the venue staff. He proceeded to try and take it from her as he badgered her with questions on how she got it. Once she explained, he let it go and wished us good luck and goodnight. I am happy he didn't rip it because with all the adrenaline coursing through my veins, the guys would have gotten a show!</div>
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We stopped to take a photo of the poster and I looked up to see Shannon and Jared make their exit. I assumed Tomo was gone as well til I glanced to my left to see him hugging a group of stragglers and taking a picture. He waved us all good bye and good night as we rolled the poster up for safe keeping, then made our way to the doors much to the venue staff's delight.</div>
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Plans to hang out got ditched as we all felt exhausted and I knew I had an early bus to catch in the morning. All I wanted was a long hot shower and a bed. In the car, I recounted soundcheck for Jennifer and Tiffany as they told me about the M&G and being in the pit, respectively. We got lost getting back, just like we did getting to the venue, but this time it was my fault for entering in the wrong address. We all just laughed it off and once we were back, Tiff and I sent Jennifer off with hugs. And hopefully on a high that would would get her through having to work in the morning.</div>
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The late night banter with Tiff continued just like the night before and as we got ready for the show, though we didn't have any Twilight movies to make fun of at such a late hour. This time we talked about what this experience was for the both of us: an escape. And though we knew we had to go back, we knew it would stay with us. Thats what the songs are for, what every artwork, photo, VyRT, and Echelon you meet is for. Because its easy to disconnect from it and lose that feeling once life comes crashing back in on you. Even hours after the concert as I lay in bed, I could sense myself retreating in anticipation for going back when I heard from the bathroom: "I took my shirt off and now there's confetti all over the floor!" I couldn't stop laughing and I thought, "Ok, I get it. This one is gonna stay with me."</div>
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I left the next morning before she had awakened, stopped for a quickie breakfast, then started my trek back to the bus station. I decided to walk because it was a beautiful day and I actually wanted to see a bit of Philly before I had to head home. I was in good spirits and looking forward sharing my experience with everyone. Especially Kika in Portugal, who I sent photos to sporadically throughout the night, but she told me to be there in the moment and we would talk later. More than anyone else, she knew how much I needed this. With memories of the the night before, I got to the station and began to jot down some thoughts.</div>
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I kept staring at the my black fingernails. I painted them before the show and they were already a rugged mess. It was always something I wanted to do but never did. I felt proud as I stared at them gripping my pen as a took in my surroundings. Soon, I was en route to New York and decided to leave myself notes to flesh out later because my handwriting worsened with each bump of the road.</div>
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By the time we reached New York, I had grown tired but still in fairly good spirits. I felt a headache coming on but thought it was probably just hunger pains and I knew I would eat soon enough. I could sleep it off and all would be well. When we pulled into Springfield, just thirty minutes from my town, I was in agony. My head pulsed and my patience grew thin as I just wanted to get home. I got myself a Subway sandwich and a Coke hoping the caffeine would tackle the migraine that was taking hold. Even with my changing mood, I kept my outward appearance light-hearted as I was still trying to hold on.</div>
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As I walked home from the bus stop, I felt something in me breaking. The food and drink didn't work, my body ached, and I knew I wouldn't be at 100% for work the next day. Once I made it inside my apartment, I dropped everything and crawled into my bed, willing my brain and body to relax. All I could think was, "I wanna go back." It wasn't lost on me how with each mile I got closer to home the worse I felt. I didn't want to talk. I didn't want to write. The recollection hurt as much as the present and the future wasn't even perceivable. So again, I went blank.</div>
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I automated my way through collecting images from the show, letting everyone know I had returned, and checking my work email. "I could coast through this a bit more..." I thought. Until I got to work the next day and the government shutdown threatened my livelihood. Was this threat ever truly real for me? In hindsight, no. But in that moment, I felt everything within me give up. I sat in my office trying not cry, flexing my hands, and digging my nails into my palm. I felt myself shaking and the need to scream. So I tweeted instead and though the responses calmed me some, without context, no one could know how much of a blow that email was to me. And though I know I am a fighter, I couldn't hold it back because my brain doesn't seem to allow it anymore. Too much tension and I'm gifted with a migraine.</div>
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So my body made me do what I would never allow: I let myself just fall apart.</div>
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And in those pieces, I retreated. I hid behind work and fulfilling obligations but not truly connecting. My smile didn't make it to my eyes and phone calls didn't get returned. During this time the drive for the VyRT of the Hollywood Bowl began and I felt only a slight twinge of excitement. The spark hadn't died but it had gone dormant. Hollywood still felt so very far away.</div>
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Somehow the chaos of my reality, or at least my perspective of it, began to lighten. I began to anticipate seeing my sister and being with someone who truly knows me. I longed for the intimacy. With each VyRT Violet but particularly the one from backstage at a gig in Canada, I felt closeness with a caring person who could cheer me up or make me laugh. Kin but not by blood, close but yet still so far, and yet his presence has effect. It is difficult to remain numb while around someone so vehemently full of life, passion, and drive. And it is also difficult to hang on to that numbness when so many believe in you and what you do.</div>
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We all have coping mechanism and for me, sometimes I just have to live through it. Other times, I rely heavily on those who fascinate or support me. I once wrote this about fascination:</div>
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"being fascinated is the best feeling i know. its love, respect, empathy, inspiration, and conversation that can be conjured without the other even knowing about it. and that unawareness is sometimes necessary...you know the saying "never meet your heroes." but even without their personal participation, there is still a discourse because they exist and they are producing. they are inviting you in. its a relationship that serves you selfishly as a blinking blinding reminder that you are not alone. you are not the only one who feels this or thinks that. you may be an outsider but we are out here with you. i am sure it is nice for them to know that. maybe it is symbiotic. they need us, we need them. thats a nice sentiment really."</div>
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Its been years since I wrote those words and I now know them to be true. I am grateful to have you all as my bright lights, my blinking reminders. Even when I don't want look or can't see through the haze, I know you are there — coaching me through the times when I feel like I can't breathe. Though I live for the moments when its all gloriously realized under the stage lights, in all honesty, its those quieter moments when my phone flashes with a notification unexpectedly that I often find solace and strength in having you with me. We're in this, symbiotically keeping each other up and running.</div>
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In this case, you've veered me to run towards my words and for that, I am much obliged. I hope they serve you as well as they have me. Until we meet again.</div>
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MinaMachellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18155829001264445204noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3920889560854954988.post-71252867540639813412013-05-07T23:20:00.000-07:002013-06-15T23:29:12.203-07:00adventure: church of mars boston<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I’m sitting in the Hay Market. Eating a scone, as a substitute for my pancake craving since they quit serving them, drinking a smoothie, and waiting on my vegan tofu scramble. I’m still a bit worn from last night’s activities. More reeling than worn out. So much activity, so many people. Makes me think about the introvert vs. extravert conversation I had with my sister recently. We all sit upon the spectrum between these two poles. The introvert side of me finds being social can feel so draining and intrusive at times. But after a night like last night, and some other social activity on Twitter, I don’t feel like I’m being drained. I feel overwhelmed. I feel so adrenalized and so giddy that it preoccupies me.<br />
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Being incited into conversation by @LupeFiasco’s Sunday dialogue of the week was exciting enough for me. So imagine what happened when he retweeted and replied to me. There was an eruption of interactions aimed at me. All of these people talking to me, asking questions and debating. If there is such a thing as a mental erection, I was at full tilt with thoughts. I felt like I was schooling folks, but lovingly of course. It completely distracted me from the work I was doing. I was so engrossed and worked up that I couldn’t focus. Even hours later, when I received a reply asking me for clarification after the dialogue had ended, I found myself brimming with a response. 140 characters grew to over 2500 as I made my first post via TwitLonger. It had to be done.<br />
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An Echelon tweeted that what I had written was brilliant. I sometimes forget that I am having a dialogue in an open room for any of my followers to see when I start rambling on but I love it when worlds crossover like that. The same Echelon who replied to that post was one that I helped get tickets to the Church of Mars show in Boston, from which I am currently recuperating. I was able to get her friend in as well as another three people. I received a 3-way bear hug once they spotted me after the show. Thank you social media!<br />
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I loved hearing my name screamed out in the venue as she vied for my attention just to thank me. I loved the twinkly-eyed look in the eyes of those I helped. Witnessing the positive effect you can have on someone is intoxicating. Being outside the venue talking and laughing like we’ve known each other forever is invigorating. It fills you up with energy and emotion.<br />
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I feel like I have more to write about the people than the show…how telling is that? But that’s not to diminish the show at all. Since I was at the last full show seeing them squeeze out all they had left to give, I thought it was great romantic symmetry to see them at their first show excited at the precipice of this new time in their creative lives. <br />
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Tomo jumped high, swayed lithely as he played, and banged his drum so hard. I loved it when he just threw his sticks to the side with abandon to get back to his guitar. He was clearly happy to see us and it showed.<br />
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Jared was passionate like a Southern preacher in front of his flock while singing often with his eyes closed. It was fascinating to watch him be engrossed in his own work as it took on new life but also improvising as if he was re-learning his voice. He’s changed, gotten older, and still wasn’t at 100% due to his other work, but what shined through was his love. His love for what he’s created but yet to unleash but also for being on that stage again in front of us.<br />
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He was speaking as if it was a big family picnic and somebody let the Leto brothers and their cousin Tomo use the stage as a favor. There was a good amount of banter throughout the night. He joked but seemed to genuinely be seeking our reassurance, “I’m singing a lot tonight. More than I usually do, right?” Or asking the violinist to be taken down “like 57%” after he asked her to play before they went into Hurricane. Memories of MARS300 flooded me when he brought a little boy on stage during Up in the Air but this child was not scared to dance. He was feeling the music too. The air was light and loose which was just right for a welcome back style affair.<br />
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Despite or maybe because of the looseness, it was clear that he was really feeling it. He was experiencing the music live for the first time right along with us it seemed. Since some of the people around me were less inclined, I felt the need to show him I was feeling it too even more. He was there in the moment and I wanted him to know that even amongst the camera-holders, the disinterested parents with their overexcited kids, and the people more invested in him taking of his hat, I was there to welcome him and the guys back to the stage by performing as a part of the choir. To sing and dance without needing to be asked and to experience the new music. <br />
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My first listen to City of Angels was during its first performance that night. I remember having my hand on my chest, tapping my thumb on my collarbone along with Shannon. I closed my eyes so that I could really listen. When he sang the line, “I am home” I felt it right in my core. Songs referring to home have been getting to me as of late and in that moment, I realized why. Knowing their background of a transient life, I knew how significant that line really is. I have been in a similar state for years and now, I am finally setting down my own roots separate from my birthplace. I’ve found where I feel comfortable and I’m doing what I love to do. Even more importantly, I know there are people around the world that make me feel the same way even without a fixed location. I can feel home anywhere I can feel that connection. <br />
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When I opened my eyes, I remember thinking, “They did it.” Back when they were still recording, Jared asked what we wanted to hear. I responded, which I rarely do but felt the need to this time. I knew there would be the “more guitars!” “less synths!” cries. Mine, however, was rather simple: “Just continue to be honest. As for the rest, surprise me.” That song was all the indication I needed to know that my sentiment was taken to heart.<br />
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All night, I could see the passion oozing out of Tomo and Jared, but with Shannon, I had to feel him since a speaker blocked my view. The experience of hearing Shannon live without seeing him was wild because it is definitely different than listening to him in your headphones without a visual. He announces himself quite quickly and thoroughly. My hips seem to respond to him as if on command. I could feel him through my feet, into my chest, and up to the bottom of my throat. Based on the flair I heard during some of the old songs, I knew he was having just as much fun as I could see Jared and Tomo having.<br />
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Going to the signing was a no-brainer and I was happy to be able to put a body to the thunderous sounds that had been shaking me all night. Yet, he didn’t look up when I laid my yearbook down on the table for him to sign. He quickly made his mark and passed it down the line. I believe I said hi to him but he was already moving on to the next person in line. I will admit for about two seconds I was annoyed, but then I looked into the smiling eyes of Tomo. It is impossible to stay annoyed when he is looking at you so openly. Besides, it dawned on me as I moved on that Shannon and I had been communicating all night. His drums speak my language, same dialect and everything. I always understand him, loud and clear. He didn’t need to speak to me or even look up. We’d already connected in the most meaningful of ways. <br />
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I looked into Tomo’s grinning face and said hi and thanked him after he signed. I could have taken the moment we had there to make some banter but I didn’t. The silence was comfortable to me and I knew there were so many more people waiting. A thank you was all I needed to say to the man that had welcomed me into the family. He slid my book over to Jared who sat last at the table.<br />
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As soon as I spotted the black gloves, I started smiling. They were hilarious to me but also quite smart. No germs or smudging just in case. Most people got the posters they handed out signed or perhaps the Boston lithographs or body parts or random bits of paper or clothing they could find. However, I had brought my yearbook with the intentions of having the Echelon I knew I would be meeting be the first ones to sign. But of course, when the signing was announced I knew I would give the honor to the guys.<br />
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As soon as Jared saw the black cover of the book, his head popped up with an “OMG” expression then a huge grin. I smiled and said that I came prepared, just in case. He started nodding his head in a way of communicating acknowledgement and approval, all the while grinning. The entire expression of emotion on his face and body language said, “Yep, you are one of us.” He said thank you and handed me the book with a smile before adding have a goodnight. I said thanks and you too before turning to walk away.<br />
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On my way out of the venue, I stopped to get a ticket from someone working the door because I knew I wanted as many mementos from this night as I could get. The night felt like a culmination of sorts. I had come full circle from first falling for the band to meeting them. The only reason I had the opportunity to do so was because the promise I made to them and myself was fulfilled. I had done what I set out to do and just as they are starting a new chapter of their lives, so am I. I knew they’d be right along for the ride as I am still riding with them. Jared is right. Attaining dreams only makes you keep pushing for more and that’s where the band and I are right now. Celebrating but also pushing forever onwards and upwards.<br />
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Though I wish I could have been nearer the more active part of the crowd, I couldn’t have asked for more from the band. The new songs killed and they played from their gut. They’re excited, which they should be. If you can’t be worked up and in a tizzy about your own work, then why should I be?<br />
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The band played their part dutifully and as they are but a part of MARS for me, the story does not end with them. The Echelon graced me with their presence and friendship after the show. Not only ones that I helped but people I had met just that night. After walking around and talking with two that I had spent the show with, I found myself floating around with no real aim. Since we had lingered near the venue, I saw my opportunity to get a signature in my yearbook that I hadn’t earlier.<br />
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Soon after I stepped outside, I spotted Jamie Reed and asked him to sign while waiting for the other girl to come back out. I know he saw us talking rather animatedly about the some of the people we saw throughout the night so I hope he was entertained. I had gotten to say hello to Dai earlier while I was waiting in the signing line but didn’t get the chance to ask her. After my two friends left for the night, I spotted her in a group and decided to follow my general motto in life, there is no harm in asking.<br />
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She was nice enough to say yes and talked with me a bit about some of her ideas for other books she would like to work on. The group were Echelon from all over and while at first I felt a bit awkward, they offered to let me come along as they were going for drinks. Well, drinks became pizza as food trumped liquor at such a late hour since some of us hadn’t eaten in hours.<br />
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It was such a special occasion to talk with people from all over the world and chat with Dai about design. It was so sweet the way her face lit up when I talked about my work. The others were so genuine and funny with such amazing stories from their experiences with the band and other Echelon. We all recognized that what we were doing at that moment was not typical.<br />
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Definitely for me, it is not typical to find myself comfortable with strangers so quickly that they become more than that. Everyone was being so gracious and kind that I went from floating to having a bed to sleep in. I could see the potential for meaningful relationships with them so easily if only there were time and no distances to travel but even those didn’t need to impede.<br />
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The ease of it all blows the mind of the introvert side of me. Socializing isn’t supposed to feel comforting or easy or fulfilling in it of itself, right? But it does when I'm engaged in something that matters to me with other people that care too. That’s when the draining switches to filling til the point of overflow and complete shutdown of focus or prioritization of anything else. Because it feels good but it also sends the message that I'm not alone.<br />
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That is what my MARS experience has made clear to me. You are not alone and if you ever feel like you are, there are people out there to overwhelm you with their similarity to you, with their graciousness and honesty. This fact spans beyond music though its not surprising that it took music to demonstrate this to me in a truly concrete tangible way. It’s easy to become jaded or cynical because perhaps the people that understand you best aren’t physically in front of you or your paths have yet to cross. But trust me, they are out there just waiting, looking, hoping to make a connection of substance.</div>
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Even if it is only a lively Twitter conversation or one night at a gig, in that moment when I am connected, all is well in my world. It may pass and likely will because time tends to do that, but that moment will persist in memory. No matter where I am or what is going on, I know I have a collection of connections that make a community where I feel at home. And sometimes, whether its been a good day or a bad one, that is all I need.<br />
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To MARS + the Echelon, like I said in the yearbook, thank you for connecting me and helping me become who I had already set out to be. Until we meet again.<br />
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MinaMachellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18155829001264445204noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3920889560854954988.post-73782345540514434552013-04-13T16:22:00.000-07:002013-06-15T16:50:44.504-07:00adventure: boston, ma<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<i>The following was mostly written (I had to clean it up and
flesh it out a bit!) after my MIKA show in Boston, which was my first
time visiting the city and seeing him live. Considering what occurred only days
following, only blocks away from where I had such an enriching experience, this
note feels as much as a love letter to Boston as it does to MIKA.</i><o:p></o:p></div>
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Bloody hell! I<span style="font-family: "MS 明朝","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">’</span>m shaking and can barely
speak. My voice is cracking and I<span style="font-family: "MS 明朝","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">’</span>m chugging water and a
mango smoothie to cool me down. Thank the Lord for the Panera on the corner and
for MIKA. And to think I almost wasn<span style="font-family: "MS 明朝","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">’</span>t going to come. I hadn<span style="font-family: "MS 明朝","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">’</span>t
realized that he was touring the States but wised up in just enough time to
snag a ticket to his last show before heading back to Europe. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I have wanted to see MIKA since 2009 when I first discovered
him and to have that chance fulfilled with an intimate acoustic show was more
than I could have asked for. That voice can stand on its own and his allure on
stage can make you feel like it’s just you and him in the room. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I could tell he was having fun. He was telling stories and
saying how he felt like he was in his living room and the world felt small in a
good way. He told us how our singing was just right in comparison to other
cities. How he dedicated Love You When I<span style="font-family: "MS 明朝","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">’</span>m Drunk to his
grandmother the night before and she smiled. How his fingers felt like okra
when was trying to play or singing, <span style="font-family: "MS 明朝","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">“</span>Rescue Me<span style="font-family: "MS 明朝","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">”</span>
when he needed his band mate to come play Stardust on the piano because he
couldn<span style="font-family: "MS 明朝","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">’</span>t. He was as funny and silly as I always knew he would
be. But his voice was as emotive and heavenly as you can only truly experience
live. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Happy Endings brought tears to my eyes as I—for the only
time that evening—allowed my thoughts to drift back into my life. But the
beauty of his singing snapped me back into my awed state in that moment. His
voice ascends and I follow to transcend my worries and memories. I<span style="font-family: "MS 明朝","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">’</span>m
not me. I<span style="font-family: "MS 明朝","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">’</span>m not tired or alone. And if I am, I don<span style="font-family: "MS 明朝","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">’</span>t
care. I<span style="font-family: "MS 明朝","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">’</span>m too busy being part of the choir and as I was one of
the tallest in the crowd, looking directly into his eyes whenever I could. I
was focused and felt such a chill come over me when he finished the song
without the microphone. His voice rang clear bringing about a hush. He has one
of those voices that I don<span style="font-family: "MS 明朝","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">’</span>t even try to sing along to. It<span style="font-family: "MS 明朝","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">’</span>s
useless because no one can do MIKA but himself. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
His music is like distilled joy, even when he is singing
about pain. I think it is because he is genuine and that is comforting in times
when things don<span style="font-family: "MS 明朝","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">’</span>t often feel that way. But that
wasn<span style="font-family: "MS 明朝","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">’</span>t the case at this show as the genuinely nice people I
met made such an impression on me. They actually introduced themselves to me
and all. So far, I like Boston. I don<span style="font-family: "MS 明朝","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">’</span>t feel the claustrophobic
anxiety that besets me in New York. Its more open and I didn<span style="font-family: "MS 明朝","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">’</span>t
feel like I needed to constantly have my guard up. It was nice.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As I sit here, people watching and still cooling down, I can
feel my shoulders are tense and my feet are aching. My body is still buzzing. I<span style="font-family: "MS 明朝","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">’</span>m
still thirsty with the smoothie now gone and the water about to follow. But I
feel alive and energized. You wouldn<span style="font-family: "MS 明朝","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">’</span>t think an acoustic show
would get someone this worked up, huh? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Perhaps it was when he took requests and played We Are
Golden for the first time in years? We sang so loud and those lyrics really hit
powerfully when you have an entire crowd chanting, <span style="font-family: "MS 明朝","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">“</span>We
are not what you think we are<span style="font-family: "MS 明朝","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">…”</span> Or the performance of
Underwater that was breathtaking with the lights dim and him singing eyes closed
with such passion.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://24.media.tumblr.com/79c1b50ee5150bd8b7809a482349511a/tumblr_mla1y92gQO1r0kbedo1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/79c1b50ee5150bd8b7809a482349511a/tumblr_mla1y92gQO1r0kbedo1_500.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
Or maybe it was
finally hearing Stuck in the Middle live! Or how during Origin of Love, the
lights went out at his behest and he asked us to close our eyes and sing as if
we were the last people on Earth, which was so exhilarating. Or his flirty-ness
during Toy Boy and Billy Brown that just about slaughtered the boy in front of me
who spent a good part of the show screaming <span style="font-family: "MS 明朝","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">”</span>Marry me?!<span style="font-family: "MS 明朝","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">”</span>
Or it was hearing him sing both Emily and Elle Me Dit in French interchangeably
as smoothly as if he was just breathing? Or perhaps, it was singing the lyrics
I wanna come home during Celebrate with him while looking directly into his
eyes? When I recalled this hours later as I sat in the bus station listening to
the acoustic version, I got chills and a bit teary-eyed. I could feel the magic
in my veins still.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I think Russell may have described it best when talking
about the feeing of being on stage for the first time, <span style="font-family: "MS 明朝","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">“</span>I
can taste my own mouth.<span style="font-family: "MS 明朝","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">”</span> I feel so aware and in the
moment and everything is right. I am going to miss this feeling when it goes.
But the ache I would have been much worse if I hadn<span style="font-family: "MS 明朝","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">’</span>t
made this choice. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If I would have missed
this shot. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Another special show under my belt, four years in the making
and it was completely worth it. How would I be able to tell the tale of seeing
a crowd of people explode into song and dance as our pre-show DJs (MIKA<span style="font-family: "MS 明朝","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">’</span>s
band mates clad in suspenders and bowties) spun <span style="font-family: "MS 明朝","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">“</span>Under the Sea<span style="font-family: "MS 明朝","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">”</span>? MIKA did exactly as promised—put a little stardust my eyes,
a little sunshine in my life—and I surely needed it. Thank you, sir. Until we
meet again.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://24.media.tumblr.com/61cd06d69f0f1e184466aef4eac5b1a7/tumblr_mla1xfxZTZ1r0kbedo1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/61cd06d69f0f1e184466aef4eac5b1a7/tumblr_mla1xfxZTZ1r0kbedo1_500.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
MinaMachellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18155829001264445204noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3920889560854954988.post-41105847975445204402013-03-08T21:08:00.000-08:002013-06-15T16:38:55.224-07:00adventure: carnegie hall, new york city<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<a href="http://api.ning.com/files/Wmplu1XRZrkIaphlHAm0PJ9yRzB-zSGQOtbXPqgsPr9iZUh8CkqUVWl0cBhMRAVhCWDzeY9NbRSWV4RJi3a*V4Lq3uGnoEic/PrinceTributeCarnegie1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://api.ning.com/files/Wmplu1XRZrkIaphlHAm0PJ9yRzB-zSGQOtbXPqgsPr9iZUh8CkqUVWl0cBhMRAVhCWDzeY9NbRSWV4RJi3a*V4Lq3uGnoEic/PrinceTributeCarnegie1.png" width="269" /></a></div>
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2:30 am and I was sitting on the floor of the Port Authority Bus
Terminal. There was a woman about three yards away to my right that decided
to take up stretching, though she was clearly way past due. To my left and in
front of me was a group of young ladies discussing how dirty this floor may be
because she wanted to take her shoe off to scratch her foot. I'm only here because my Uncle P inspired me to take another flight of fancy.<br />
<br />
This time
indirectly as he was not performing. However, it was a tribute to him in
Carnegie Hall, a venue I've always wanted to see. This legendary stage was lit
purple and probably had more soul on it than at any other time. Another dream
fulfilled as I got to hear Eric Leeds and Wendy Melvoin play live. And not just
playing live, but playing Mutiny and I Wonder U. Songs that are forever tethered to
their faces and instruments though Prince<span style="font-family: "MS 明朝","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">’</span>s moniker encompasses it
all.</div>
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I wasn<span style="font-family: "MS 明朝","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">’</span>t particularly excited by a
performer over another when the show was announced. Though I had heard of some
of them, it was not like I<span style="font-family: "MS 明朝","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">’</span>m a rabid fan. But talent was
evident as I read the names. I knew QuestLove would make some good song
selections too. Part of what I felt throughout the evening was how well suited
the performers were to their song of choice. Either because of their own
personal history with the music or how their talent seemed to be perfectly
aligned to the tune. <o:p></o:p></div>
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There were numerous pleasant surprises or memories:<o:p></o:p></div>
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</div>
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</div>
<br />
<ul>
<li>Making it to
my seat just in the nick of time to hear a roaring rendition of Purple Rain to
start the show by The Waterboys, with an epic violin solo in lieu of the guitar. We sang along like it was our duty. I was just astonished by the passionate
rendition of this showstopper to begin the show!</li>
</ul>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://resources2.news.com.au/images/2013/03/09/1226593/611850-the-music-of-prince-tribute-concert.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="http://resources2.news.com.au/images/2013/03/09/1226593/611850-the-music-of-prince-tribute-concert.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div>
<br />
<ul>
<li>Princess
(Maya Rudolph and Gretchen Lieberum) singing the reverse ending of Darling
Nikki in its entirety, in unison, and to perfection. Not to mention, Maya doing body rolls in
heels while clearly pregnant. I held my breath for her a few times, to be
honest.</li>
</ul>
</div>
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<a href="http://www.brooklynvegan.com/img/fp/princetribute/carnegiehall/88.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://www.brooklynvegan.com/img/fp/princetribute/carnegiehall/88.jpg" width="237" /></a></div>
<div>
<br />
<ul>
<li>Kat Edmonson<span style="font-family: 'MS 明朝', serif;">’</span>s
chilling rendition of the Beautiful Ones that really brought out the
melancholic longing that<span style="font-family: 'MS 明朝', serif;">’</span>s under all the theatrics and
wailing. You could have heard a pin drop while she sang accompanied by a
pianist only. Well in fact, what I remember hearing was the girl sitting in
front of me correcting her when she had a little lyric slip. Prince diehards
are a brutal audience but by the time she left the stage, this unknown had our
respect without doubt.</li>
<li>Devotchka<span style="font-family: 'MS 明朝', serif;">’</span>s
bluegrass rendition of Mountains with a tuba! You know me, I get giddy at the
sight of a horn section.</li>
<li>Susannah of
Fdeluxe, aka the Family, and Wendy<span style="font-family: 'MS 明朝', serif;">’</span>s sister truly feeling
herself throughout their entire performance. I don<span style="font-family: 'MS 明朝', serif;">’</span>t
think I had ever seen someone strutting around like that before. I swear I saw
Wendy taking a moment to pick which microphone to sing into because Susannah
was acting like it was a game musical chairs. I could only imagine how the man
himself would have reacted to seeing his
former fiancé on the stage showing out. Think Trey Songz<span style="font-family: 'MS 明朝', serif;">’</span>
singing Purple Rain at the BET Awards but better.</li>
</ul>
</div>
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<div>
<br />
<ul>
<li>Eric Leeds.
Nothing else really needs to be said here.</li>
<li>Chris Rock
reciting the end of If I was Your Girlfriend only as he can (i.e. with many
many more fucks for emphasis)</li>
<li>Annie
Christian by Talib Kweli, who of course injected the current gun violence into
the lyrics further demonstrating how a Prince track from 1981 is still topical.
The Roots with Wendy absolutely killed the music on this one. This song was
definitely on my <i>never gonna hear it live cuz I was born at the wrong time</i> list
but not anymore!</li>
</ul>
</div>
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<a href="http://graphics8.nytimes.com/images/2013/03/09/arts/09PRINCE/09PRINCE-articleLarge.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="209" src="http://graphics8.nytimes.com/images/2013/03/09/arts/09PRINCE/09PRINCE-articleLarge.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div>
<br />
<ul>
<li>Bilal<span style="font-family: 'MS 明朝', serif;">’</span>s
shockingly epic version of Sister. This was another track that I never thought
I would hear live and definitely not in Carnegie Hall. He turned a song that
barely clocks in at a minute into a emphatic roof-shaking crooning to punk
screeching performance.</li>
<li>Elvis
Costello decided to play the only unreleased track of the night, Moonbeam
Levels, and proceeded to catch the spirit. The sound wasn<span style="font-family: 'MS 明朝', serif;">’</span>t
great in the balcony on that performance so I couldn<span style="font-family: 'MS 明朝', serif;">’</span>t
make it out as well. But it was fascinating to watch him feeling the music so
much he walked on and off without even playing the guitar he wore.</li>
</ul>
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://media.redding.com/media/img/photos/2013/03/08/The_Music_of_Prince_T_John_t607.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="218" src="http://media.redding.com/media/img/photos/2013/03/08/The_Music_of_Prince_T_John_t607.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div>
<br />
<ul>
<li>Bettye
Lavette showed how Kiss should be performed as a sassy and soulful track. She
strutted off stage in her purple velvet jacket and I loved every minute of her
performance. I knew she wouldn<span style="font-family: 'MS 明朝', serif;">’</span>t disappoint. Seeing
someone old enough to be my grandmother on stage rocking her hips and crooning
from her toes just made me smile so wide.</li>
</ul>
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://binaryapi.ap.org/2aec0ed4fb044b9bbd36844c9d1eb0bc/460x.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://binaryapi.ap.org/2aec0ed4fb044b9bbd36844c9d1eb0bc/460x.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div>
<br />
<ul>
<li>Sandra
Bernhard dropped it low during her spoken word, half sung rendition of Little
Red Corvette. I felt like I was watching her relive being twelve years old
performing in her room with a hairbrush. Her and that track had history, which
she laid out on that stage. I loved the presence of comedy in the night because
I think people often miss that aspect of Prince<span style="font-family: 'MS 明朝', serif;">’</span>s work.</li>
</ul>
</div>
<div>
<br />
<ul>
<li>Nina Persson
singing Nothing Compares to U with such emotion and then just gracefully
leaving the stage like she didn<span style="font-family: 'MS 明朝', serif;">’</span>t just show us her soul through her voice.</li>
</ul>
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://media.kitsapsun.com/media/img/photos/2013/03/08/media_269b926fb3f44251a70958d523ee2a1a_t607.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="215" src="http://media.kitsapsun.com/media/img/photos/2013/03/08/media_269b926fb3f44251a70958d523ee2a1a_t607.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div>
<br />
<ul>
<li>Alice Smith
and Citizen Cope performing for the first time as a married couple with an
acoustic take of Pop Life. I love the way she enunciated and punctuated her
words. They had impact just like the lyrics are supposed to.</li>
<li>Bhi Bhiman
was another unknown that came out with naught but his acoustic guitar and a
voice that reminded me of John Legend. He broke into When Doves Cry. Again, I
felt like the lyrics had space to really breathe and bounce around the room and
all of our minds. Allowing them to get caught up in my memories of the song, the
video, the movie, and what was happening right in that moment and how it
related to my life now.</li>
<li>The Blind Boys
of Alabama took us to church with a soaring version of The Cross. Never once
did anything feel out of place demonstrating how expansive the world of Prince
really is. At the drop of a hat I could be on the back of motorcycle being
taken to a barn by a lake to lose my virginity (a song that was sung earlier in
the night by Diane Birch and teen choir that brought back memories of singing
in chorus) and the next, I am being shown the poorest of the poor that
persevere because of their faith. It is all fair game because it is all a part
of life. Prince<span style="font-family: 'MS 明朝', serif;">’</span>s music is a living accumulation of experiences.</li>
</ul>
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://irockjazz.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/princemusiccarnegie4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="186" src="http://irockjazz.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/princemusiccarnegie4.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div>
<br />
<ul>
<li>D<span style="font-family: 'MS 明朝', serif;">’</span>Angelo
triumphantly wrapped up the show with A Beautiful Night and 1999 with everyone
else joining him on stage. You could tell he was happy to be on that stage.
That he knew every adlib, every mic trick, and he was gonna show out. The
audience got to its feet during 1999 and I politely kept my seat not wanting to
block anyone behind me. But when I turned and the woman behind me said, <span style="font-family: 'MS 明朝', serif;">“</span>Its
fine, come on!<span style="font-family: 'MS 明朝', serif;">”</span> I left my seat and began to clap
along. I love that communal feeling at gigs that comes with joint action. I
looked around me and I saw that to my right was a lesbian couple; behind me was
a row of young black artsy looking types that I had to correct earlier in the
night when they didn<span style="font-family: 'MS 明朝', serif;">’</span>t know that Dirty Mind was his
third album; and to my left was an older white-haired man who looked like his
name was Herb in a plaid shirt, suspenders, and khakis clapping along and
swaying. Complete motley in unison having a beautiful night.</li>
<li>At the end,
as the Roots left the stage, Captain Kirk pumped his guitar to the crowd which
<i>someone</i> had to have repaired due to <i>someone</i> borrowing it for his performance of
Bambi on Jimmy Fallon where he ripped it and then proceeded to throw and break
the guitar!</li>
</ul>
</div>
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I left the theatre, in search of food and wondering if it
will always be raining every time I am in New York for a gig. I went to a late
night diner and then made my way to AMC Theatres to see Jack the Giant Slayer.
It was great to be indoors and warm; plus, I have an endless love for the
Brits, so a movie full of cockney giants really made my night. Then it was back
to the bus station where our story began. <o:p></o:p></div>
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As the night wore on, more unique individuals began to
congregate and I started to walk around to keep myself awake. Finally the bus
showed up and we had the nicest bus driver. His name was Al and he gave his
little speech with the cadence of a Quiet Storm radio DJ. Each statement began
with <span style="font-family: "MS 明朝","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">“</span>Ladies and gentlemen<span style="font-family: "MS 明朝","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">”</span> and I couldn<span style="font-family: "MS 明朝","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">’</span>t
help but think of Mambo #5. I curled up in my seat as best I could and watch
the wintery storm blanket the landscape outside of my window. I had just texted
the day before that winter needed to wrap itself up but clearly that message
wasn<span style="font-family: "MS 明朝","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">’</span>t received by anyone that had any control. But, I
thought to myself after I realized I had made it this far through my first
Northeastern winter, <span style="font-family: "MS 明朝","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">“</span>It will melt. It always does.<span style="font-family: "MS 明朝","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">”</span>
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Like the maniac that I am, I went to work straight from the
bus station. I was so exhausted I found myself only able to talk about being
exhausted. But not once did I regret it. Not once did I say to myself, why did
you travel to see other people play music that you love rather than the man
himself? The night wasn<span style="font-family: "MS 明朝","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">’</span>t about Prince. It was called <span style="font-family: "MS 明朝","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">“</span>The
Music of Prince<span style="font-family: "MS 明朝","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">”</span> for a reason. It was about those
songs. Those songs are my companions and this was a gathering to celebrate
that as well as the diversity on the reach these songs have had. The span of
their reach may only be matched the breadth of his styles. </div>
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These songs have seen me through so much and persist to take on new life as I continue
to live mine. It is easy to forget and not listen as often. But this definitely
acted as a reminder: Visit your Uncle P every once in awhile. He<span style="font-family: "MS 明朝","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">’</span>s
kin for a reason, plus there is always a gift waiting for you.<o:p></o:p></div>
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MinaMachellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18155829001264445204noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3920889560854954988.post-34334289365082840652012-11-08T20:38:00.000-08:002012-11-08T20:38:34.134-08:00adventure: los angeles, ca<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Its taken me two months to recount my latest adventure. the experiences are no less grand or significant as any of my other flights of fancy but unlike before, i returned to my new life after this last minute whirlwind trip. since my last post, i have since received my masters and started my dream job. so much of what i had sought to accomplish and things i hadn't even known i wanted before have come to me. i am thoroughly grateful and helplessly trying to fit into this new life for which i so fiercely fought.
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part of what i find interesting in these foreign environments and situations is that i feel the same. yes, i can acknowledge how i have grown and changed. but it is an odd feeling to surface after the crashing of a decade in the making wave of life changing events to find yourself not too dissimilar. i think in our heads we imagine ourselves becoming new beings as we travel through the challenges and triumphs of life. that somehow you will be a new species of you, detached from your past. but its always there. all those various versions of yourself still breathe within you. its just up to you how you interact with them. do you suppress the self-destruct? taunt the depressive with isolation? ignore or distract them? do you empathize and smile at former adolescent antics or shake your head in shame while vehemently seeking what you have deemed a superior path?
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a strong connection to all these former selves is the music that was carrying me at the time. its time travelling. i can hear what connected me then as well i as what i connect with now,if there is anything.
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it was clear that there were still connective tissue for these bands because when the honda civic tour was announced, i cried. genuine tears.
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incubus has stayed with me throughout but linkin park ended for me with meteora so i was not as excited about them but the teenager in me brought forth such strong feelings. like she had been waiting. patiently beneath the surface for her moment...for the music that spoke so deeply to her to be brought back.
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excitedly, i began the process to get ready by listening to what i had missed. i prep for a concert like im an athlete. like i will be performing myself. i refuse to not be in the know. so i had to get caught up with linkin park and what i found were two really beautiful albums that spoke directly to me. what connected when i was an angry teen wasn't a fluke. i identified with them deeper than i could've known at the time but the music was waiting for me when i needed it.
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as for incubus. i wouldn't have gotten through my adolescence without it and they've always been there. brandon's words inspire as much as they mirror my own thoughts and rhythms. their fearlessness and ingenuity with music and art fuel me. and their timing is always impeccable. they returned with if not now, when? exactly when i needed them and along side 30 seconds to mars got me through my hardest and final year of college life. the chance to see them both live was a chance to close a circle of music for my former and current selves. to have them collide as i relived and lived in tandem through song.
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my sister and i sat to side of the stage instead of being in the pit, because after my mars experience i wasn't sure if she could handle it. but now she is determined to get in on it for the next show we see together. it was interesting for me to see it from outside of it since i had been in a crowd like that before. its so beautiful, it didn't matter to me where i was, as long as i was there, but the view was nice. regardless of those around us, we sang and danced through the whole show.
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incubus was beyond words. considering that brandon was without voice just days before, he rang clear through the open stadium with the los angeles sun setting above us. so many little moments like: feeling a california breeze while singing wish you were here, or ben kenny dancing and playing the holy hell out of the bass, or kilmore's dreads flying about, or my sister saying "they are aging so well, they are just so cute!" or mikey and brandon sharing some wine and lighting a candelabra before promises, promises, or brandon saying how seeing us all made him feel better. but the tug on my heart was never stronger than during if not now, when? tears came to my eyes as brandon voice rose above us and jose's kick kept us grounded. it was church. i stood there spellbound listening and mouthing the lyrics that so succinctly described my life of the past year and what lay ahead of me. <i>stand up and face the bright lights...don't hide your eyes, its time...</i>
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the set ended with a blistering version of sick sad little world, which i know for fact was my sister's first time hearing it. after the breakdown toward the end, she just looked at me and said, "DAMN!" we kept saying how amazing it was that they sounded so good. not a huge production but a full demonstration of the amazing musicians that have sat atop my favorite list for half my life. i was not disappointed and cannot wait to see what they do next, so i can be there in the pit, ready to return all that i owe them with my voice, sweat, and energy. they've earned it.
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linkin park came on full blast with fire and smoke and enough energy to have us all buzzing. its like those levi commercials that make you want to go discover a new country and claim it. i remembered all the raps and lyrics like it was a decade earlier and felt such awe at the energy coming from those around us. chester's voice embodied all the rage and frustration as well as the caress and tenderness that we all feel. mike's harmonies and rapping were just as fluid as they worked us like a well trained two-headed beast. the moment of ascension came for me with waiting for the end...there is something about that song that hit me so hard when i first heard it just weeks before the show. and there is such power and redemption in seeing a crowd full of people pump their fists in the air.
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there were literal explosive moments with fireworks and mikey coming to play a solo on bleed it out. it was so good and so much of what i needed. mars300 was so long ago that i had missed what that felt like. the release of singing and dancing and sweating out whatever may ail you in a congregation of like minded music worshippers. i zone out, i loose myself...i make new memories alongside the older ones...some sadder ones fade or the tears become joyful with the realization of overcoming that sadder darker space. this show closed a door for me in some ways. i felt like i had earned the right to sing those songs with them because i had lived up to this silent promise. one that was made vocal and ever apparent at mars300 but has always been there. since i first started to build this image in my mind of who i wanted to be. fueled by this music since i was a teen, i knew who i wanted to be. and i got to share this experience with them now that i have finally become her in many ways.
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but the beauty of it is that with these new memories, i have renewed that promise. by singing songs that once played alongside my darker days, i have ever committed myself to the light. i can acknowledge my former selves without being doomed to return. their music has grown and changed with me over the years in a similar way and that is why they still speak to me. forever moving onward.
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thank you gentleman for then and now...until we meet again.
MinaMachellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18155829001264445204noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3920889560854954988.post-33813852139567303092011-12-12T15:47:00.000-08:002011-12-31T14:14:01.019-08:00adventure: new york city, ny<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9jQ6EJFOOEld6GxleVP7OBuKvqPmtq06UdMJnXA7hgnjYS7oeTufbLRr28BYRHVGRVuDGkppKGg28QX9JfPnreyBczbUvokiYiQnKL3OnCxHY03FegzpZgcDKxz_6-MeNyNVlQ36-2wYz/s1600/nycMARS300-copy.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 271px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9jQ6EJFOOEld6GxleVP7OBuKvqPmtq06UdMJnXA7hgnjYS7oeTufbLRr28BYRHVGRVuDGkppKGg28QX9JfPnreyBczbUvokiYiQnKL3OnCxHY03FegzpZgcDKxz_6-MeNyNVlQ36-2wYz/s400/nycMARS300-copy.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5685393885985218018" /></a><br /><br />the objective of this adventure was the same as the last one set in new york city: attend a life changing concert. this time the guests of honor: thirty seconds to mars. the occasion: the last show of their guinness world record breaking tour.<br /><br />And not to mention my first time seeing the band and my first rock concert.<br /><br />thirty seconds to mars have risen to the top of the love list faster than anyone else has before. and this was the quickest turn around of falling in love and consummation. it took my entire life to finally see prince and there are many others that await me, with incubus at the top. they were going to be the first rock show, i had it all planned out in my head. but the timing was imperfect.<br /><br />then mars300 was announced and i immediately pounced for a ticket. without hesitation and thought of consequences after the fact. like it would be right after final review, which was perfect for celebratory reasons, but it completely neglected the fact that i was not done after final reviews. there is documentation, there are papers, and not to mention grading.<br /><br />but i know once in a lifetime when i see it, and this was it.<br /><br />it gave me something to look forward to. making all the sleepless nights, muscle spasms, and tired eyes worth it. because i knew i would be able to get lost for one night with a band whose music has kept me going this semester. not to mention, see this gorgeously dedicated and dysfunctional community, the echelon, in action.<br /><br />just as before, i found myself sitting in an airport watching the rain fall from gray skies and hoping that i would not be stranded. that i would not be weathered out of my experience or my money. i had already paid more for a taxi than i really wanted to and could feel my money just running from me like water off feathers.<br /><br />but i was not bothered as soon as i hit the ground in new york. i was on a mission. i didn't look up the exact location of the venue before i left, but i knew it was near penn station. i knew i could find my way and just started walking. within ten minutes or so from the bus stop, i was in line. a satisfied grin on my face, which caught the eye of those who stood before me. we chatted and were quickly joined by two hooded girls without umbrellas. i offered and we became a little unit for awhile. they were from different places but i was clearly the most distant traveller. some had been to the show last night and there all four of the shows that were happening that week. only one other girl in the cluster was a virgin like me.<br /><br />their stories were reminding me of the purple people i met when i came to see prince. there was such fervor over how much the show would change me, and my life. i cannot lie that i was skeptical just because i have felt that feeling before. seeing prince was surely life changing because i have loved the man my whole life. so i was unsure if my latest and greatest infatuation could do the same. i knew i would feel something because that is whole reason why love concerts. it is the most feeling that a music lover like me can do.<br /><br />i am 100% alive when at a show. i am full with feeling.<br /><br />i am trying to live for those moments and not go for those fleeting ones that if continually pursued will kill me. music is my welcome addiction. so i knew that i would get a fix but was it going to be the adrenaline shot to the heart, i wasn't sure yet.<br /><br />i knew that i had to see them, because that was what pulled me in. the footage from shows made me want to be there and this was my shot to be there. to see how it feels.<br /><br /><br />but before any of this could happen, we had to wait. and wait and wait. part of the experience was being in the pit on the floor which meant i had to wait for my spot. and the rain never did cease. i was drenched all the way through to the lining of my wool coat, but managed to keep my clothes dry. my feet were cold, wet, and completely aching by the time i got inside. after six hours which ended with security discarding of my umbrella, which i knew i would need again after the show, i made a mad dash for coat check. i found my spot near the front and to the right of the stage. i made some more friends while waiting in line and clustered with them once inside. one girl and i bonded over our height, which is always nice. they were truly sweet. to the point of feeling really bad when i didn't get a backstage pass because the guy that offered only had three. i couldn't have imagined meeting the band to be honest, and the look on their faces let me know that this was something they had prayed for.<br /><br />i'm not huge on meeting my creative loves in that way. if i am meant to cross paths with them, i shall. otherwise, their creative output is how i connect. and what i came for there tonight was to connect in the flesh and give back some of the life, light, and energy they had gifted me. no more, no less.<br /><br />we sang along to the videos as they played, got really annoyed by some obnoxious people behind us and enjoyed the opening band, semi precious weapons, in all their flamboyancy while we tried to ignore how much pain we were in. i knew that once the drums for escape began that i would forget it all.<br /><br />and surely i did.<br /><br />what came next was a whirlwind. the first five songs were "jumping" songs that had me feeling as if i couldn't control my body due to the currents of the crowd. i was in a living organism that reacted to pull of jared leto's gravity. i grasped hands with another girl to help keep our balance. once I got the hang of it, it was fun to lose it. though i was consistently being elbowed, pushed, and hit, i knew that it came with the territory. i could not zone out because i was in motion. but i sang and jumped and banged my head until i was winded, until i was hoarse, until i am sure my brain hit up against my skull.<br /><br />complete abandon.<br /><br />singing every word. becoming part of this collective voice that i am sure were making the walls vibrate. i love it when you can tell that the band is amazed at your response. we delivered a performance all our own.<br /><br />which i have been able to see due to the show being streamed live online to people around the world. and when i watched it for the first time, i was shaking and vibrating like i did when i was there. it was unreal to know i was there. i was part of that madness. i was lost in the mass of echelon who came to show their love to the band and break a world record.<br /><br />that feeling was life changing because i no longer have to wish that i was there. i was there! <br /><br />and i got to feel what i needed to feel and hear what i needed to hear. our fearless leader gave thanks to us all when receiving the certificate for the record and said what my spirit needed:<br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">i want to say to everybody out there, the true believers that you are here tonight. i can feel it in the room. i want to tell you something. you've done something really magical, and i don't want you to take this too lightly. you have through your belief, through your will, through your passion, through your love, you have made reality from a dream.<br /><br />and i want everyone in here to carry this with them for the rest of their lives, okay?<br /><br />this is an example to all of you, all of you out there who want to do something different with their lives, who want to do something special, who want to contribute, who want to do something meaningful, dreams are possible you can do what you dream.<br /><br />so after tonight, tomorrow, lets all promise we're gonna live the first day of our new lives, you understand? lets promise each other that we will be brave, we will fight for what we believe in, and we will live dreams. </span><br /><br />ironically enough, it is right at the beginning of this speech when i can see myself on camera for the first time. i am catching my breath, wiping the sweat out of the hair, and looking upwards with full intent to listen. those words bolstered a conviction that has set me forth on the path i am currently on. i have to continue to press on. but i am in alignment. i am living out the things that i never thought i would do. but to have someone i admire shower those words upon me, in that particular moment, and to word it as a promise, felt like what i needed to hear. <br /><br />i needed a reminder of my conviction and faith. <br /><br />the show ended on a semi-high note as two girls were taken out for medical care, but both recovered thankfully. but at the time, one was still down for the count so it felt weird singing kings and queens knowing one of us had been hurt so badly she had to carried out on a stretcher. but our voices rang clear like we were sending her all the love we could muster. <br /><br />afterwards, i left the venue riding the wave i tend to after shows. <br /><br />but i was met with a loneliness that hadn't hit me before. other shows were followed by a gathering of some sort with the people i meet but this time i was alone in new york city. i was more exhausted and tired than i had felt all year and had to figure out how i was getting back to the airport. not to mention it was still raining, and i had work to do. <br /><br />i jacked an umbrella from the ground, found a diner on corner, ate my food in silence when i realized that the last shuttle to the airport just left. so i would need to get a taxi all the way out there because i was not wondering the streets all night. the ride cost the same amount as my concert ticket! but i was just happy to be where i needed to be and dry. <br /><br />i felt broken. i felt myself wondering why, why did you do this to yourself?<br /><br />then i looked in my bag and saw all my little stickers and fake tattoos, and guitar picks that i got from some girls, my echegifts. i tired to forget how much pain i was in and how much my head throbbed from being hit by a crowdsurfer. i tried to write down what i could remember from the night because i didn't want the negative to outweigh the good. <br /><br />and they didn't. they couldn't because i got what i came for. i got to sing, jump, dance, and lose myself for one night, with a band whose music has been carrying me at a show that meant so much to them. i got to send my thank you and share it with some very sweet people. and add yet another experience to my list of memories. <br /><br />i<span style="font-style:italic;"> will never forget.<br />i will never regret.<br />i will live my life. </span><br /><br /><br />thank you so much gentlemen and until we meet again, i believe i have promise to keep.MinaMachellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18155829001264445204noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3920889560854954988.post-64390561090928468862011-08-06T13:54:00.000-07:002011-08-06T16:31:01.054-07:00rambling: feeling reflective<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lk185pfTwp1qz7lxdo1_500.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 500px; height: 514px;" src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lk185pfTwp1qz7lxdo1_500.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br />as of friday at 5:25 am, i've been on this planet for 24 years. now i stand at the start of a new year. my resolution has been the same since i turned 22: be in a better place by this time next year. this could mean emotionally, spiritually, physically, financially, professionally, intellectually. no matter the cause i have to see progress and as 23 was a good year, i like what lays before me. i was nervous just this time a week ago, sitting in my room alone and starving. now my belly is full, heart overflowing, and recovering from a night of revelry with friends and strangers. <br /><br />its amazing how quickly the tide can change. <br /><br />one opportunity has changed my mood significantly: i'm going to be a teaching assistant this semester. not only a great opportunity but the pay will go towards paying off my tuition bill for the spring. getting to my brother's wedding just got easier. such a feeling of relief that i almost cried when i got that email. talking to siblings and old friends i realized how good my life is. i feel good about where my life is headed, the decisions i have made, the work i am making, and the connections that will persist. i am thankful. i am determined to work as hard to do justice by this. its all inspiration to continue moving forward. <br /><br />to keep fighting. <br /><br />it does not surprise me that the soundtrack to this time is incubus and 30 seconds to mars. incubus has always riled a part of me to rebel and be a joyful defiant outsider. an outlet to express my anger and disgust while also inspiring how i would aspire to be more. their sounds have been pushing me for as long as i can remember. <span style="font-style:italic;">don't be scared, you can go there, you can be that woman you dream of becoming.</span> <br /><br />their latest album title sums up how i feel: if not now when? <br /><br />the newcomers to the love list have provided an anthemic soundtrack aptly named this is war. a roaring emotional record that gives me chills, makes me dance, inspires tears, awakens the fighter in me. what more could i ask for from them? the impact is swift, a clean cut shock to system. i feel awake. i feel ready to fight through another year. <br /><br />i will continue on this path knowing that i went through my 23rd year living the life i've always wanted to the best of my ability and only saw things improve. i only saw me become more like myself than i have ever been. i know who she is and i like her. i will continue to nurture and care for her through what will be my last year of college life. looking back, i like what i saw in 23 and 24 is shapely up quite nicely. i will make this one count. <br /><br />according to charles baudelaire's philosophy, i intend to live the life of a drunkard. i intend to be full my whole life, no matter how empty my pockets or stomach may be. my high tolerance will only serve me well in this regard. stagger or stumble, i will continually have a drink in hand.<br /><br /> cheers.MinaMachellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18155829001264445204noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3920889560854954988.post-65391337742332092352011-08-03T18:23:00.000-07:002011-11-20T20:31:24.889-08:00meet: 30 seconds to mars<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmVlgblwg5Yw-u6RqhqaQMOM2NkMRTqfdYPIhbaD6jEWawavOptJ8Y4UZDFyA5UxGCWgSd7udVQSg5ZmgN5DTf6IDe73ntlsCV4zkvFsGJBWb8D3MPNkFQDQhE9Sa02k3Ygrh1013u9YeI/s1600/30-seconds-to-mars-8853-1920x1200.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 250px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmVlgblwg5Yw-u6RqhqaQMOM2NkMRTqfdYPIhbaD6jEWawavOptJ8Y4UZDFyA5UxGCWgSd7udVQSg5ZmgN5DTf6IDe73ntlsCV4zkvFsGJBWb8D3MPNkFQDQhE9Sa02k3Ygrh1013u9YeI/s400/30-seconds-to-mars-8853-1920x1200.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5677301926943115570" /></a><br />this is not a true meet post as i already knew of them. but only that one song. you know that one song from four or so years ago, with the amazing video. i saw it as a cool song and video, thought<span style="font-style:italic;"> oh wow jared leto can really sing</span>, and went about my business. but as of a few days ago, i have been bundled up, kidnapped, and converted. <br /><br />couldn't be more happy and pissed off. happy because i needed something to counter my incubus obsession but pissed that i'm so late to the party that i missed their raleigh date. <br /><br />i found them with the good old related videos effect. i actually remember how i got there. russell brand stand up videos >> russell and noel fielding stand up >> noel fielding on alan carr >> jared leto on alan carr. when i saw the video on the side, i thought <span style="font-style:italic;">why is he talking to him? when was the last time he was in a movie?</span> then it clicked. <span style="font-style:italic;">oh yea, he has a band!</span> <br /><br />now it will suffice to say that the interview was hilarious, <span style="font-style:italic;">jared was sweet and a bit dirty</span>, but the deal was sealed with the clip from the video closer to the edge. my jaw actually dropped and of course i proceeded to the full video from there. <br /><br /><iframe width="540" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/mLqHDhF-O28" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br />loved it and immediately felt jealous of those in the crowd. then onward and onward, til i hit george lopez where jared was funny, sweet and dirty once again but it was mentioned that he directs all the videos right before they showed a clip of hurricane. and a bell went off it my head. all the criteria had been met and then some:<br />funny and silly, <span style="font-style:italic;">check</span>. <br />older than me, <span style="font-style:italic;">check</span>. <br />multitalented, <span style="font-style:italic;">check</span>. <br />irreverent, <span style="font-style:italic;">check</span>. <br />reminds me of other loves [chris corner's looks, powerful music and dirty vocals, prince's use of the term family for supporters, creative dictatorship, and fight against the industry, roger daltrey's range from blue eyed soulful crooning to rocked out screams, mika's energy on stage and dedicated fan base worldwide] <span style="font-style:italic;">check</span>. <br />a bit dirty frisky openminded <span style="font-style:italic;">check check,</span> and <span style="font-style:italic;">check</span>. <br /><br />i've been watching and listening ever since. their unplugged made me cry. the music is speaking to me. coming up from that horrible funk, this powerful music was waiting for me. it was so needed and put me right back where i need to be. so with that i say thank you for finding me. <br /><br />obsessions overlap as they are incubus affiliated too which just makes it even better. though i have only spoken of jared, who gets mad kudos for having vegeta-hair in that picture by the way, it must be said that the other two members of the band are just as fascinating. shannon, jared's brother, drums like a beast. definitely see keith moon in him. tomo is fun to watch and apparently plays the violin and is obsessed with mastering the guitar with his feet. it amazes me that they are as old as they are. not to mention that they can take bad romance, the only gaga song that got me, and make it this: <br /><br /><iframe width="540" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/2ga_pr0vuHA" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br />sonically i was sold, but the aspect that makes them stand out to me is the culture that surrounds them and the strong symbology they have created. from the perspective of an observer and designer like me they are an interesting case study. their message moved me so much from that short clip from closer to the edge. their audience is broad and dedicated. it is the church of mars, as jared called it. and i love the blatant line, <span style="font-style:italic;">yes this is a cult</span>. its been built up in such a strong thoughtful interactive way on their part that i am doubly inspired as a supporter and creative. <br /><br />that's why i am writing of them now and they are added to the love list. you have to do more than make songs i like. your creative spirit has to touch mine. like i tweeted and received a reply from the guitarist tomo, which caught the eye of members of the echelon welcoming me to the family, count me amongst the converted. this is war is added to the birthday list. <br /><br />btw, i feel much better. like their song says, <span style="font-style:italic;">i fell apart but got back up again</span>.MinaMachellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18155829001264445204noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3920889560854954988.post-44597814784349959212011-08-02T04:02:00.000-07:002011-08-02T10:19:33.258-07:00rambling: honest thoughts at 7 amits been one of those nights. one of those dark dank adventures into my mind that leave me exhausted as if i had just danced for an hour straight. the outcome of it always seems to be shame, a steeled determination, hope, sadness, desire. a jumbled heap of feeling that is not really sure which one is on top. i can rationalize why i go through these nights: fatigue, hunger, isolation, weakness of mind or spirit, the crashing depressive that manifests from bouts of mania, lack of sleep, impending stress, fear. all seem true. all spin out these hurtful truths about myself that i rally against. the optimist in me sets out to work within these constraints and plant my flag at top this heap like a conqueror. but she never remains there for long. things shift and i find myself climbing again. i almost think i like the fall, like it reminds that i am alive. such a masochistic thought but a true one. <br /><br />i felt like a teenager again. sitting on my bed, headphones blasting out angry sounds, while i dig, pick, and scratch at my skin. tears rolling down my cheek as lyrics sound like thoughts and beats echo my actions. a full blown attack upon myself partly due to the fact that this scene is recurring. not just as a teen but an adult. its part of me, not some adolescent growing pain that will subside. its my glitch. my quirk that comes and goes but still happens. i have to acknowledge it. i never do damage to the point of breaking the skin, just enough to mark me up. to make my skin glow red and a throbbing pain seep through my tender skin. all of the previously stated emotions or situations contribute to a sense of betrayal. this sense that i am pitted against a formidable foe: myself. like my body betrays me. whether it be my twisted thoughts or dragging up old painful memories, or the sluggishness and dizziness that besets me due to my imbalances. i am continually fighting to stay in the present and pleasant but part of me cannot or does not want to live there.<br /><br />part of me cannot help but see dark though there is light. there is so much light around and ahead of me but i find myself fearful and alone. its all in my feelings. feelings that belie what i know to be true. what i know i have no reason to worry about. i cannot just let it go. i cannot let myself off the hook and i am left with this unsettling individual all day. every day all the time. <br /><br />i am just tired. tired of the back and forth. the up the down. the numbness i have taught myself. the need to distract from myself because if i begin to entertain her, it will only lead down dark passageways. though i know i cannot flee her, i have to be her. i am her. whether i like it or not. i have to lick the wounds i give myself and step out into a new day. i have to have faith that this will not continually haunt me. that i should be thankful i have some means of coping. be thankful that i am still here no matter how mangled i may feel. <br /><br />i am still here. still fighting. i know better though i may not feel better. trust that. yes, optimist, i am talking to you. i know you will read these words later and be amazed at how they read. you will be thankful that this passed. you will be looking for answers from your past self. what i will say is this: it is okay to cry. be glad you can feel. it is okay to fall as long you proceed to crawl your way back to a walking stride. there is always light. there will be always be light because it comes from within you. follow it and the darkness of these nights will be lessons that you will outgrow and no longer need. don't mutilate or blame yourself, accept who you are and take care of her. i know it is hard [<span style="font-style:italic;">you are a handful</span>] but it is your job to do so. <br /><br />i have a knack for the overstated and overblown but my emotions flare out like flames from the sun. i like to capture and articulate them if i can. get 'em out of my head to have them staring back at me. it helps to see the damage so that you do not continue it. like i said before, you are my mirror. so i must be honest, even if what comes out is rather ugly and unpleasant. <br /><br />but it is a new day. <br /><br />the night has passed and i can feel my body giving out on me again. sleep beckons and with a sigh i end this note to myself. so many quotes and lyrics come to mind but i think this one will end with some from my latest love and fascination, 30 seconds to mars: <br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;"> i will never forget, i will never regret, i will live my life. </span><br /><br />sorry for starting august this way. but i bet by my birthday, i will be fine. i always bounce back.MinaMachellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18155829001264445204noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3920889560854954988.post-51724527709218767212011-07-27T23:10:00.005-07:002011-08-02T03:49:47.240-07:00silliness: sugar, water, purplein honor of my latest rambling, i have to post the only performance of monuments and melodies which is preluded by riffing on the ever missed dave chappelle's bit on grape drink. which becomes a one off burst of energy called sugar, water, purple. <br /><br /><iframe width="540" height="349" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/9ir0Vh8YWC0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br /><br /><iframe width="540" height="349" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/_yNDQ8VfDRk" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br /><br />and thanks to my own silliness and this clip, i now cannot help but hum s.w.p. whenever i hear the breakdown in thieves, which has some of my new favorite lyrics despite sharing sounds with their outburst of silliness: <br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">why should the thieves have all of the fun<br />selling us water by the river<br />they don't speak for everyone<br />i'm ready to run and you're making me crawl<br />selling us water by the river<br />they don't speak for me at all</span><br /><br />their new album is my birthday gift to myself this year. if not now, when?MinaMachellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18155829001264445204noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3920889560854954988.post-31950540703295301422011-07-27T21:03:00.000-07:002011-07-29T19:29:16.490-07:00ramblng: monuments & melodies<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://brandonboydbooks.com/catalog/images/the_plunge.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 472px; height: 486px;" src="http://brandonboydbooks.com/catalog/images/the_plunge.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><br />its been two months to the day since i last spoke with you. these long prolonged silences are the product of this very annoying associate of mine: life. she [<span style="font-style:italic;">you knew it would be a girl, right</span>] creeps up on me and snatches me away. sometimes in flights of fancy and others in wallowing self pity. either way, i am away. far from the reaches of my profoundly close friend who listens and mirrors my true self. the keeper of my thoughts so that i never forget where i have been. never forget. <br /><br />it makes me believe that when i leave it is not only life's fault but also my internal disassociation at play. as if i back away from my words like i will somehow outrun myself. that when i do come back around i will look upon these ramblings and shake my head as if to say, i know better now. in actuality, i reread things to remind, not remand my former self to the prison of youth and stupidity. i try not to judge her so harshly. also considering that when i do stray, her habits come roaring back. without my mirror, it is easy to reassume the position. to let idealism and optimism usurp my experiences. <br /><br />i let emotions override what i already know. <br /><br />often due to the fact that i never want to be someone who loses the ability to hope. to aspire to see the best in people and situations. i may complain but i will rise to the occasion on my own if need be. my complaints often stem from others' inability to be of their word. of others' ineptitude with things that i take such care to consider. not everyone can be held to such standards. it is a shame when you can see more in someone but never see it flourish. it stings in a way even more so for me, as i continually like to find solutions. i like to help. i like to hope. it may hurt but it will hurt a great deal more if i ever lose the ability to do so. <br /><br />my hope is tethered to my curiosity. to that experimental side of my brain that likes to give chances and see what happens. the irony of such behavior is that i cannot control or wield the situation. i have to wait and see and no amount of poking or prodding will make it happen quicker. that is where the pain stems from. without such efforts, watching and waiting for results is fascinating and can slip from the radar completely if nothing happens. but when you leave the sidelines, and put your emotions and efforts into the act itself, pushing for your own victory, it consumes even if it is futile in the end. <br /><br />the fighter in me does not like to sit idly by but she is learning when to let go and what battles are worth fighting. <br /><br />being in familiar territory conjured similar feelings but yet not the exact same. i am different than i was before. i would even say better. because i am trying. when someone asks how i am, i say i'm good, i'm trying. i'm continually trying to be better. trying to be who i want to be, who others see me as. i recognize that i am of value and must be taken care of. when i saw that i was slipping into a carelessness with myself, i shook off my old writings and replayed the voices in my head from all those who value me saying that they love me, care for me, miss me, etc. the irony of this is that one of those voices came from the very place and person who assisted with me feeling how i did before. my perennial, continual kazoo hovering over my shoulder in my ear, in my heart telling me to have fun, to never forget what i've been through, to never doubt the love that is there for me. yet those lovely words are coupled with the same behavior and actions which undercut it all. it can't be both and at this stage, i cannot wait around to see which is real. i know what felt real to me, but feeling is not the end all be all. the door is never closed but i am not sitting up with the lights on and couch turned to face to the door either. it is improbable and not what either of us want. i may have written before that it couldn't happen but my optimistic idealist self dared to hope. i think she always will. and to be honest, i can't blame her.<br /><br />it feels good to be connected. but whatever the formula is with us that allows that connection to flourish without have the adverse of effect something also decaying eludes us both, so i cannot focus on it. the strength of our magnetism is overwhelmed by everything else and begins not to have the sway it once did. so my mind shifts, to other pulls that drag me back to where i belong. back to the light and back to me. and as it always seems to be, music is the dominant force. <br /><br />this time in the the form of incubus, who i can claim are my first favorite band. my adolescence belongs to make yourself and morning view. i fell in love again with light grenades in college and backtracked to a crow left of the murder and some songs from science. just when i needed it they reappeared and i realized how much i missed them. how long it had really been. despite their absence, there was an immediate familiar sense of joy when watching the video for adolescents. <br /><br />there is something about them that spoke to me then and still does now. reading brandon boyd's notes completely hit how i feel about music. he said it perfectly and i realized thats what he always did. its like the way colbert and stewart manage to just say what i mean. reading his words felt like talking to a friend. and listening again now, is like looking into a mirror. they sound exactly the way i felt then and now. some songs will always hit home.<br /><br /> <span style="font-style:italic;">i suggest we learn to love ourselves <br />before its made illegal<br />when will we learn<br />when will we change<br />just in time<br />to see it all fall down</span><br /><br />it felt like reuniting with old friends, which is what i needed. i needed to remember that girl who fell for them. that girl who would write for hours on end. who lusted for so much more than what was in front of her and dared anyone to tell her she couldn't have it. she wallowed but made it into art. into poetry. into thirst for knowledge. that thread runs through me and all those i admire. they all have glitches, quirks, flaws, scars but pursue beauty amongst it all.<br /> <br /><span style="font-style:italic;">my past is perilous<br />but each scar i bear sings<br />monuments to where i have been <br />and melodies to where i am going<br /></span><br />how much more succinct could something so true be? i was in awe when i heard those lyrics and instantly thought i am one of those people. and i am so close. now it is not the time to lose focus. now is not the time for crippling fear. <br /><br />now is the time for compassion, love, courage, empathy and thought. <br /><br />i wrote that my empathetic heart was all over the world as i struggled with the juxtaposition of wanting to be informed but not wanting to be saddened. between famine, deadly protests, attacks in norway, passing of miss winehouse, and our country edging close to default, i lost it for a bit. it saddened me and still does. the death of amy hit me particularly because her music equates to my mid-college years and she is the first artist who spoke to me since my musical enlightenment that i have lost. i like many others rooted for her so vehemently. its odd to know she is not here. i can still sing her songs and hear her music and smile but it weighs on me. it made me think of all the others that will crush me when they go. it made me consider mortality in general. to think of her friends, family, and fans losing her so soon and with the full knowledge that she had more to give as a human being and artist. i am happy we have what she gave but of course disheartened that she's gone. not to mention those all over the world who are being lost. over and over and over. makes you value every time you inhale and exhale. every time you wake up. <br /><br />its something that we live in such times that are equally frightening and fascinating. i chose this image specifically as it is my favorite painting by brandon but also because of the duality. she could be a drowning night terror or a soaring heavenly dream. <br /><br />ascent or descent? all depends on how you look at it, right? <br /><br />and thinking back on what i just wrote, i spoke as if i fell into this hole of my former life only to see nothing had really changed and climbed back out. there is cause and effect there. descent and ascent. both together, not either or. which i think is always the case if you can wait it out and pursue something higher, searching onward and upward during it all. <br /><br />as song says, <span style="font-style:italic;">its just a phase...it will be over soon.</span>MinaMachellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18155829001264445204noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3920889560854954988.post-35556481534136266422011-05-28T00:49:00.000-07:002011-06-15T20:41:05.117-07:00adventure: los angeles, cathe silence and hesitation i felt after coming back from nyc in january beset me again after this trip. so much activity in so little time that its hard to grasp how to write about it. <br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitCjjLiKGhP7J5u1b8pNNlC4WCoSZTzRGlUTdqTQlanPTSlxaQYaJDOuDdXJ_e2Bb5nIg3EvRkFh30KSA7mdvzr9_wybap3XLovtn7KWiVuFUCH1UC7j7Yyo-sf-Z0iVs_o5HcOCyAq-kG/s1600/219236_174469409274374_132691213452194_392147_809108_o.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitCjjLiKGhP7J5u1b8pNNlC4WCoSZTzRGlUTdqTQlanPTSlxaQYaJDOuDdXJ_e2Bb5nIg3EvRkFh30KSA7mdvzr9_wybap3XLovtn7KWiVuFUCH1UC7j7Yyo-sf-Z0iVs_o5HcOCyAq-kG/s400/219236_174469409274374_132691213452194_392147_809108_o.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5611713299420727474" /></a><br /><br />but as most stories do, let's start from the beginning. <br /><br />my late night flight to mpls began rather smoothly. i'm wondering what souvenir i could snag in the airport in between flights when the pilot informs us of two crucial facts: the mpls airport is shutdown due to weather and we do not have enough fuel to circle around and wait. we fly to omaha instead to fuel up, which guarantees that i and just about everyone else on the plane will miss their connections. we finally arrive and i find my flight has left on schedule. weather must not have been that bad for long. <br /><br />no anger or frustration. i was quite happy just to be on the ground again. policy dictates that weather related issues do not constitute a free hotel room. that did get me a bit annoyed but again i just wanted to eat and stretch my legs. i called my sister to tell her the lovely news that i wouldn't be getting in until tomorrow morning. thankfully she took off work. i felt like a hunter gatherer looking for food in a closed down airport. thankfully subway and mcdonald's were open. clearly i went to subway. <br /><br />still a veggie [<span style="font-style:italic;">with the exception of sushi</span>] after five months and mcdonald's smells horrendous to me. i'm in the delta concourse which means i cannot runaway from cnn on each tv screen. i watched for awhile but the reporters were pissing me off. the level of insincerity and joviality with such dire stories rubbed me the wrong way. a sentence should never say "they are still grieving after two months" for any tragedy especially in regards to something as devastating as japan. i mean they are still grieving in new orleans, mississippi, haiti, indonesia, and all the other various places around the world that have survived natural disasters. there is no time limit for that level of pain. just because your news cycle runs at an ungodly speed, thinking that things have moved on, people are still hurting here in the real world. but i digress...<br /><br />i finally find a spot to crash and manage to get at least five hours of sleep. the next flight out was less eventful than the first and when i landed, i was again just happy to no longer be in the air. my sister got stuck in traffic which is a given in los angeles, as i remembered from my first trip. meanwhile i got to people watch. pedestrians almost getting slaughtered by rental car buses [<span style="font-style:italic;">you are not made of steel, wait for the light!</span>], people wearing hats like it guarantees them personality and distinction, a man taking a photo on his phone trying to look sexy serious and i'm a big deal all at the same time [<span style="font-style:italic;">it may look nice when posted to fb or twitter, but u look like a self important idiot in reality</span>]. <br /><br />our journey began with breakfast, [<span style="font-style:italic;">french toast with pineapples for me</span>] and then some time on ventura. we pick up our banter talking a mile a minute like we don't talk almost everyday and think of what to do while i am there. we had already discussed going to a concert, so it was just a matter of which one. we stocked up at the mexican market as she calls it, where i swear they were selling cucumbers 8 for a dollar. i got four. the next day i got to spend at home alone while her and her boyfriend were at work. as always i enjoyed my downtime and really soaked in how well my semester went. how deserving i felt of this vacation. i made a killer salad and danced around to music and scoped out tickets for the shows that weekend at the forum, which didn't go on sale until wednesday.<br /><br />i knew janelle monae was opening of friday and as you know, i said back in december that if her and prince would be on the same stage i wanted to be there. i missed the first one in nyc, so when this was announced, my mind was made up. my sister didn't care which one we went to, and let me decide. such a gracious host, but that meant two things: we would miss out on hanging with some of her friends and i would go to work with her and go straight to inglewood from there. <br /><br />thus, that friday was a marathon. <br /><br />if you have never taught or shadowed a teacher, seriously, do it and then kiss the ground they walk on. i had yet to visit this school and it was fascinating being in a such a small school and a muslim school. the kids were adorable and so intrigued by me. <span style="font-style:italic;">are there two miss pattons? are you her sister?</span> one little girl just came up and hugged me without having a clue who i was. they all had questions and wanted to show and tell me things. i love that. <br /><br />we had gotten our tickets the night before. the $25 seats and i committed the cardinal sin: checked back for other tickets. a pair of seats in the loge popped up at the same price. good seats. the office was closed so we couldn't exchange. i let it go but still decided to call just to see the next day. of course they were gone. but again, being in the building matters most, and we are tall anyways. we always have a good view.<br /><br />after a long day as we had drama club practice afterschool, [<span style="font-style:italic;">a group of kids singing why can't we be friends? by war is cute on a level that isn't even natural</span>}, we headed for inglewood. it was amazing the difference i could feel just being over there. i knew i was around my folks instantly, but even more so when we stopped at carl's jr. the cashier gave us a teacher's discount based on our word since my sister forgot her id. we had to wait a long time for our shakes, so she gave us cookies for free. <br /><br />we put on the prince 101 mix i made for her when she told me she was going to some shows. i put each song that he had played during the tour so far on there, [<span style="font-style:italic;">not the covers or protege songs</span>] and as luck would have it she's gotten a gang of songs that he hadn't played yet....like crimson and clover, when eye lay my hands on u, so far so pleased, strange relationship. i was green with envy about so many of the songs she got that i hadn't. but i was so happy for her. it had been special so far and nice for her to get songs she didn't know. so what would be in store for us?<br /><br />firstly, we got upgrades! that had yet to happen to her. and even though i really liked our seats and would have kept them gladly, until a man came to the row behind us and starting handing out tickets. we played it cool at first as to not cause a scene but when he got to our row i stood up and asked for two. we moved down to the loge, in a better section than those tickets that we lost. so as we waited, that kept us buzzed but time was starting to drag on. but singing along to mint condition videos kept spirits high.<br /><br />then at about nine, the screens began to play graphics for janelle monae. no other opener had used them before, so i knew she was going to put on a show. <br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFuv8w8Yy97xRB8qTyYy3UhoBk5U_JfUV58vvs2fhbs5_D2sJ0DjVmczevy8znWgAz2a0haqWkqTsGFndhFn_geyWrXjauXWR1yDf6ykldwxkKfcmNYysLBMTILN_OcZ3jKUHDdBXX5bIE/s1600/228656_10150251174392642_287796947641_9144394_4890681_n.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 301px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFuv8w8Yy97xRB8qTyYy3UhoBk5U_JfUV58vvs2fhbs5_D2sJ0DjVmczevy8znWgAz2a0haqWkqTsGFndhFn_geyWrXjauXWR1yDf6ykldwxkKfcmNYysLBMTILN_OcZ3jKUHDdBXX5bIE/s400/228656_10150251174392642_287796947641_9144394_4890681_n.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5611835260970425186" /></a><br />she did not disappoint me. i knew she couldn't. the sound was a bit too loud so she felt kinda drowned out, like if i didn't already know the words it would have been a problem. but who cared when they came out strong and never let up. full on performance with cloaked figures, moonwalking, tight roping, slave type figures crawling after her, and the whole band decked out in black and white. i lit up when she played cold war and my heart soared when it was just her and kellindo for smile. <br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://dc386.4shared.com/img/EYsUk8W5/s7/IMG_0080.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 500px; height: 650px;" src="http://dc386.4shared.com/img/EYsUk8W5/s7/IMG_0080.JPG" border="0" alt="" /></a><br />she dedicated it to stevie wonder. now i knew of rumors from weeks ago and had told my sister. so when we heard that, she keep slapping my arm like "is he here? is he here?" i was too busy being into the show and listening to her sing clearly for the first time since it was just her and her guitarist, kinfolk of maceo parker no less. i zone out when i am at a show so its weird being there with someone i know, who is consistently tapping my arm to show me the pics she snagged and trying to tell me something. her excitement was contagious and made me so happy. j. monae and the band ended with come alive which had a epic breakdown with the whole band laid on the floor while she led us in singing along <span style="font-style:italic;">la la la la la la la</span>. she left the stage, not through the hydraulic lift, no no no. she climbed down off the edge and walked out past the purple party pit general admission set up at the back of the stage. high fived the security and strutted out like a g! <br /><br />like someone who knew they killed it. <br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLYkqbLca-_Z3zZx_ch_3jlUorugq8CVqEB3eXtLbwdhzZkBE19QJc82sb3SuSdym8lsCkF6kogmbP1Pg1wsQV4LVQ_Z_9H0rit0EQG6UYRr18zrOrx6wbiEzmPjwBP2_OWu3wt_ws3BMU/s1600/230872_10150250470657642_287796947641_9135554_7849150_n.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLYkqbLca-_Z3zZx_ch_3jlUorugq8CVqEB3eXtLbwdhzZkBE19QJc82sb3SuSdym8lsCkF6kogmbP1Pg1wsQV4LVQ_Z_9H0rit0EQG6UYRr18zrOrx6wbiEzmPjwBP2_OWu3wt_ws3BMU/s400/230872_10150250470657642_287796947641_9135554_7849150_n.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5611835582130613986" /></a><br />it was another thirty minutes before they began to play with the lights. i knew better than to clap or get excited until i heard thunder. then it started, the horns. d.m.s.r. i love it as an opener and he came out wearing my favorite white suit. it was on. <br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNU0ekzlwzOH0SJyk6A2UKkVjn8O2wSnMbr52exGe-L3v921jEioTGp14LDoTv1RhblO0co_SSOszmD1RL2oNIq0pVG6B6vs0-bvzI7yBOT8m7oPXVJ9Y9FuFMEGTYQ4sWkK1ZhqM4Ao3F/s1600/229333_173951039326211_132691213452194_388560_6468792_n.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNU0ekzlwzOH0SJyk6A2UKkVjn8O2wSnMbr52exGe-L3v921jEioTGp14LDoTv1RhblO0co_SSOszmD1RL2oNIq0pVG6B6vs0-bvzI7yBOT8m7oPXVJ9Y9FuFMEGTYQ4sWkK1ZhqM4Ao3F/s400/229333_173951039326211_132691213452194_388560_6468792_n.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5611713142250393314" /></a><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5u8yjbOhZPi0KzuGXTb4Bca3qLd5EuI1j8_-fEg9Q4xGCAxG2yqYwGA_Pfu9Tb51MpDZYRhN6620VwThFeGYZDOaEw3AWruXNY3F3hZq08y8I9elp9XznbDsfIgHYpCkPE3qDgCsOmSZG/s1600/218364_174086092646039_132691213452194_389617_1622956_o.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5u8yjbOhZPi0KzuGXTb4Bca3qLd5EuI1j8_-fEg9Q4xGCAxG2yqYwGA_Pfu9Tb51MpDZYRhN6620VwThFeGYZDOaEw3AWruXNY3F3hZq08y8I9elp9XznbDsfIgHYpCkPE3qDgCsOmSZG/s400/218364_174086092646039_132691213452194_389617_1622956_o.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5611712995795936850" /></a><br />the unique qualities of this show are numerous in comparison to the previous three: <br /><br />sheila e, who i had yet to see, so when glamourous life started i had no idea what was coming next. my sister kept saying, <span style="font-style:italic;">wait for it, u know this!</span> she was on fire. <br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjkC20V_kcJaGf3VrnIL4HDMFrzV0CV82HmzWU9pBrEbyRSOgGZs1RgTlxVxKwrTb-gwxnMil57OXwq0VWn-hVjGyld6d4scMv5Js4lYqGgyfY5Rnz-n-EYHepKnKDCqYp5vWS5KGWPP6b/s1600/230647_174469145941067_132691213452194_392138_5171201_n.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 314px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjkC20V_kcJaGf3VrnIL4HDMFrzV0CV82HmzWU9pBrEbyRSOgGZs1RgTlxVxKwrTb-gwxnMil57OXwq0VWn-hVjGyld6d4scMv5Js4lYqGgyfY5Rnz-n-EYHepKnKDCqYp5vWS5KGWPP6b/s400/230647_174469145941067_132691213452194_392138_5171201_n.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5611709443564079618" /></a><br />she received a huge reception and stayed for the rest of the gig adding fire and flair.<br />i finally got to see these two musical soulmates on stage together. <br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXj9scSPlgJxwF6AbOBcaWFMo7wojKKmHiAtWUCuZZ1EQYtA3S8F2_EiSUyox7nr3Q4WioTR-Z7q8WkBpfYF9Ci3kf1kQW8DKVk5-ThTAWtyFIgheHH0JByN8SdfHGQpixlEwUOsCUP8Xn/s1600/241155_174469339274381_132691213452194_392144_2230722_o.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXj9scSPlgJxwF6AbOBcaWFMo7wojKKmHiAtWUCuZZ1EQYtA3S8F2_EiSUyox7nr3Q4WioTR-Z7q8WkBpfYF9Ci3kf1kQW8DKVk5-ThTAWtyFIgheHH0JByN8SdfHGQpixlEwUOsCUP8Xn/s400/241155_174469339274381_132691213452194_392144_2230722_o.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5611692871189849250" /></a><br /><br />mike phillips, who can hold a note unlike anyone i've seen. saxophones are always good. even better when in addition to the question of u/the one, which melded into u will be with me, a new song that feels like a freestyle. <br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWFfO92f1biLUWA85PZurazNvuF7NlSHhZVkKpcZ-Ced_5bDh8fvlzLYpChSLT_VZU_1nFPODJAmFUuvyO_5Bb7SWKvKKkR9YacgftfUrbCwlsUJKxefylQ95mxEaE_Dg3PES_1uoEpjxI/s1600/231189_173932272661421_132691213452194_388468_6876434_n.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 302px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWFfO92f1biLUWA85PZurazNvuF7NlSHhZVkKpcZ-Ced_5bDh8fvlzLYpChSLT_VZU_1nFPODJAmFUuvyO_5Bb7SWKvKKkR9YacgftfUrbCwlsUJKxefylQ95mxEaE_Dg3PES_1uoEpjxI/s400/231189_173932272661421_132691213452194_388468_6876434_n.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5611708936740603266" /></a><br /><br />janelle monae, who was brought back on stage to sing take me with u. their interplay was so cute. <span style="font-style:italic;">ur sheer perfection...thank u.</span> also brought up to dance during cool/don't stop til u get enough, where the most adorable little girl was pulled up too. they all danced together. the girl got to sing don't stop til u get enough into prince's mic. he had the biggest smile on his face, and just completely loved it when janelle busted out a moonwalk down the main runway. unforgettable to watch. the little girl was brought up again later and sheila gave her a tambourine! can't wait til it registers to that little girl what she got a chance to do. <br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi50QtDfm_eHrQJ71n_hil9FI9Y30LugwgrKWsAsAJt7047-SsdOrIrqRkuVclSBqjIiD4UwQ9b8d4khO7AFJqt6nTvwFUuXOHnVDTSZ4neepJfsPpgglS0ZczGjJTkSjE_PelRLGDsJndr/s1600/218507_174155252639123_132691213452194_390029_4828522_o.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 500px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi50QtDfm_eHrQJ71n_hil9FI9Y30LugwgrKWsAsAJt7047-SsdOrIrqRkuVclSBqjIiD4UwQ9b8d4khO7AFJqt6nTvwFUuXOHnVDTSZ4neepJfsPpgglS0ZczGjJTkSjE_PelRLGDsJndr/s400/218507_174155252639123_132691213452194_390029_4828522_o.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5611688378061373170" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVkoxVkOCXqypCfVw5lkUiVUlw_4Z75Z6m16BzCrp0hsepH-nmMW-AkLXnXXcxoOVS3cCr58so9q5JR_ymEo2AuAqakFlUttxFLBeyjj6-fOx1ua8hmYbnozt0lmDAwCS3-Oe6Sg0MoLJD/s1600/242564_174086365979345_132691213452194_389622_5173115_o.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 500px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVkoxVkOCXqypCfVw5lkUiVUlw_4Z75Z6m16BzCrp0hsepH-nmMW-AkLXnXXcxoOVS3cCr58so9q5JR_ymEo2AuAqakFlUttxFLBeyjj6-fOx1ua8hmYbnozt0lmDAwCS3-Oe6Sg0MoLJD/s400/242564_174086365979345_132691213452194_389622_5173115_o.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5611688490842655746" /></a><br /><br />purple rain with the new addition of banners hanging down from the rafters. the visual was so breathtaking. no tears, but i gripped my sister's hand as we swayed and sang together. the funniest thing ever was john blackwell missing his cue and running from beneath the stage to his kit to make the beginning of the song, which was made even more hilarious by the fact the he had on a long white gown. can't buy that type of comedy. <br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg38fRDEsopaHaG5WUqAVGz_SlW3T1fS6GVYDOGyk__gkm7mTOGxqFdy3UGBZMIJgRiPEOJuDzIp9a9Wzda5iZ5uUt6UPyy77MELh35EPWW07eQlwqyqLmPAH_3lX2ahN5DjrZmgRPBSPLg/s1600/226551_174085495979432_132691213452194_389599_3619309_n.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 500px; height: 386px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg38fRDEsopaHaG5WUqAVGz_SlW3T1fS6GVYDOGyk__gkm7mTOGxqFdy3UGBZMIJgRiPEOJuDzIp9a9Wzda5iZ5uUt6UPyy77MELh35EPWW07eQlwqyqLmPAH_3lX2ahN5DjrZmgRPBSPLg/s400/226551_174085495979432_132691213452194_389599_3619309_n.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5611689508743095634" /></a><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcj7nhVqG8s4v3GuIWlBwMTVtcG9a6MRXH7_qJNMj1Mk_-dfSbCWwn-4rtL2C5vz5YRQUIsKDezYsjDwESEwQ6YPrlYZDxvkS7CfM0m0e0GZ2W_50JtJe62r1vnAO3qPSYe5MiyLzY6_2E/s1600/241528_174155662639082_132691213452194_390037_220191_o.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 500px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcj7nhVqG8s4v3GuIWlBwMTVtcG9a6MRXH7_qJNMj1Mk_-dfSbCWwn-4rtL2C5vz5YRQUIsKDezYsjDwESEwQ6YPrlYZDxvkS7CfM0m0e0GZ2W_50JtJe62r1vnAO3qPSYe5MiyLzY6_2E/s400/241528_174155662639082_132691213452194_390037_220191_o.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5611711041210167250" /></a><br /><br />the lights went low, and the applause never ended. it didn't take long before it began again, but it wasn't a prince song playing. not even one of the covers i have to come to expect and love [<span style="font-style:italic;">play that funky music always shuts it down</span>]. no this was one of my top five absolutely perfect, wouldn't change a thing, songs: superstition. <br /><br />my heart dropped and my sister began slapping my arm. i'm just saying oh my god over and over. we are bouncing up and down, screaming, and clapping along with everyone else. then slowly but surely the two men came from underneath the stage, joined by everyone's favorite drummer girl. <br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwqqFl-UNc1qz43gJj6mzkoGy5d4v2kVOjOJvrKHlPVqBLNb3yGXgDCsG2aT0DPltL0aCG1EQLIphk8BrL15a1NN8B2emRDAzbdwQFC7FemEU9YpP3tEBgDsyqagFLqkkXqMZN4_ycoCd7/s1600/219848_174086965979285_132691213452194_389633_2773961_o.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 500px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwqqFl-UNc1qz43gJj6mzkoGy5d4v2kVOjOJvrKHlPVqBLNb3yGXgDCsG2aT0DPltL0aCG1EQLIphk8BrL15a1NN8B2emRDAzbdwQFC7FemEU9YpP3tEBgDsyqagFLqkkXqMZN4_ycoCd7/s400/219848_174086965979285_132691213452194_389633_2773961_o.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5611691054365791794" /></a><br />you could tell they hadn't planned what to do, but no one cared. stevie soloed on the harmonica with prince on the guitar. he did call and response with the audience with prince hyping up the crowd. he sang the first verse of superstition standing but then you could tell he wanted to do something else. <br /> <br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidYfrm3mRLpiEXRjPPapJkbBdx7cc22RufDuLwjlDrvzc11imDpSv12pSKNOtMFmyDQq87nC4qny8Obdv6aaRk6uargwjzyAoxP8eJB6p8ni61TYm6lgsuqdvdz3nzBOz2svkxx6ksIiy3/s1600/240056_174468759274439_132691213452194_392125_8137834_o.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 500px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidYfrm3mRLpiEXRjPPapJkbBdx7cc22RufDuLwjlDrvzc11imDpSv12pSKNOtMFmyDQq87nC4qny8Obdv6aaRk6uargwjzyAoxP8eJB6p8ni61TYm6lgsuqdvdz3nzBOz2svkxx6ksIiy3/s400/240056_174468759274439_132691213452194_392125_8137834_o.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5611693290220108802" /></a><br />renato quickly moved out of the way and stevie played his boards. prince swapped out with ida and played the bass. the jam goes into another song i didn't know but that sounded familiar and swung back around to superstition. at this point, i'm just trying to savor it because i needed this moment to persist. <br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkgZ-BFzg6-iNcmQdChe0bLu8b1RHbEhZwaCFQZV41NNP5P309qwaHVrHS1KYvhGDMzSeZha28_P481Bs0LX3y0v25Z5tOrahyZfQ6s9VLCQh-Enu3zQQ8gYDtmoH8TYmnO6LpgqYB8DqQ/s1600/224094_173937235994258_132691213452194_388516_5325153_n.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 500px; height: 500px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkgZ-BFzg6-iNcmQdChe0bLu8b1RHbEhZwaCFQZV41NNP5P309qwaHVrHS1KYvhGDMzSeZha28_P481Bs0LX3y0v25Z5tOrahyZfQ6s9VLCQh-Enu3zQQ8gYDtmoH8TYmnO6LpgqYB8DqQ/s400/224094_173937235994258_132691213452194_388516_5325153_n.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5611693144248661842" /></a>when else would i be able to see something like this? something i dreamed happened. <br />it actually happened and more importantly i was there. scratch that we were there.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEji4L3beNcLzCRQOLAOEiMNXm0THEnseCWOSLlZtrSk4EqZHHYXy0HpdeCh896MF4F42xs4KcMbGxFAD2D4OtUMvBRyFqM03D79dalECvm_xwA3srUS6_VB6v07Ya3BLOBVuRLLziLVSiQc/s1600/219408_174085975979384_132691213452194_389614_3645850_o.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 500px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEji4L3beNcLzCRQOLAOEiMNXm0THEnseCWOSLlZtrSk4EqZHHYXy0HpdeCh896MF4F42xs4KcMbGxFAD2D4OtUMvBRyFqM03D79dalECvm_xwA3srUS6_VB6v07Ya3BLOBVuRLLziLVSiQc/s400/219408_174085975979384_132691213452194_389614_3645850_o.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5611693836630205234" /></a> stevie played like a beast and was escorted off by mike phillips. this time through the hydraulic lift which took awhile for some reason. prince and the band kept playing going into inglewood swinging. prince joked that <span style="font-style:italic;">stevie still wanted some more, look at him!</span> as he finally went under the stage. <br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKMB3HZfvY8Tn1VpfOZmPOI-XtIIMnkLOsd4CbGuEAcbbcaXlB0Br_54Yd9HwwsZVW-tvWWL5RwJUE8E9lB5mKeb14fS6SwYYxp5oxoF2fukZ6DdV9L9X_Dwu5utecKyvCPoeR3XX8vlzR/s1600/231113_174468919274423_132691213452194_392132_3340783_n.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 500px; height: 343px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKMB3HZfvY8Tn1VpfOZmPOI-XtIIMnkLOsd4CbGuEAcbbcaXlB0Br_54Yd9HwwsZVW-tvWWL5RwJUE8E9lB5mKeb14fS6SwYYxp5oxoF2fukZ6DdV9L9X_Dwu5utecKyvCPoeR3XX8vlzR/s400/231113_174468919274423_132691213452194_392132_3340783_n.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5611693425181844178" /></a><br />inglewood swinging became fantastic voyage which became you're the one for me. a full out party, my sister and i both floating. giggly and assured that we had at least one more encore we moved down to the seats of the unfortunate who left before stevie. he emerged again and busted a sampler set, and we just happened to be on the side of the stage with the piano. close enough to get pointed at, we sang along and danced as he grooved through his records with i would die for u having the whole audience sing and point directly at him it seemed. but of course he had to dance on the piano, which came with his next move. side to side to if i was your girlfriend. we had so much room to dance this time, just kicking it like we were alone at home with a stereo.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQBvgRGd6KjjX_mi99ukFnVbah9Jy71uHAP4BsqgG9Qk3to6fQxZ19n7GB-cfmRgpZbXK6syHOX8JvTb2lbKKcFLcbnuYuNUhgLP6P03pujRrAEkqHEgrBHMWbxq-cHDBVoa1bPjCyUgi1/s1600/227418_174469069274408_132691213452194_392136_2116275_n.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQBvgRGd6KjjX_mi99ukFnVbah9Jy71uHAP4BsqgG9Qk3to6fQxZ19n7GB-cfmRgpZbXK6syHOX8JvTb2lbKKcFLcbnuYuNUhgLP6P03pujRrAEkqHEgrBHMWbxq-cHDBVoa1bPjCyUgi1/s400/227418_174469069274408_132691213452194_392136_2116275_n.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5611708057813299202" /></a><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZYplxKUCFtDOIUGEI-WfTrjv_lVgnnIs7sVn9KWOTlUZ5c4qK4Et7xJEGA_oqJ5YhwGncVkqopbW5h0SMTsGqQGKdJAPZrOyHwcRSeO2zMckzenFiS6cOVM6-E9y0dAnFvbhiqHATCCgI/s1600/240968_174086025979379_132691213452194_389615_6350150_o.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 500px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZYplxKUCFtDOIUGEI-WfTrjv_lVgnnIs7sVn9KWOTlUZ5c4qK4Et7xJEGA_oqJ5YhwGncVkqopbW5h0SMTsGqQGKdJAPZrOyHwcRSeO2zMckzenFiS6cOVM6-E9y0dAnFvbhiqHATCCgI/s400/240968_174086025979379_132691213452194_389615_6350150_o.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5611696065664941362" /></a><br />i had a good feeling the ballad trio was up next. i just began shaking my head when the opening notes of insatiable began as i knew my sister had yet to be graced with these. she griped about her phone being dead but was there in the moment nonetheless. those songs melt you in a way that is unreal. they slink and groove and cause pulses to rise. adore just makes you soar singing along. he didn't do the breakdown but my sister didn't even care. we sang along to the end<span style="font-style:italic;"> u are with me, for all time you are with me</span>. <br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvgIf467uuO7w7ZyXIQc0DrZi_WCC9VyHfQyUT32zlWFztAg1X0rLbYhA0tUHWSAgGPb7ML3tuYR6LkwX7UJpKmSsngq1sCIoN1s_-3Hqmu5cYxl5fABkD3CtdQiYA11v8B0i4L8aA4UJK/s1600/222705_174469015941080_132691213452194_392135_2569329_n.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvgIf467uuO7w7ZyXIQc0DrZi_WCC9VyHfQyUT32zlWFztAg1X0rLbYhA0tUHWSAgGPb7ML3tuYR6LkwX7UJpKmSsngq1sCIoN1s_-3Hqmu5cYxl5fABkD3CtdQiYA11v8B0i4L8aA4UJK/s400/222705_174469015941080_132691213452194_392135_2569329_n.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5611713847165152738" /></a><br />he disappeared beneath the stage and we stayed right where we were. just hyped and full of adrenaline. we couldn't believe what we just saw. we were clapping and starting to get a rhythm going. a man sitting down our row was banging on his seat which inspired a man right behind us to start drumming. we caught the beat and clapping along until our whole section was grooving. i'm standing and dancing while my sister sits and keeps the tempo. we went to church with hand claps and stomping feet and back to elementary school cafeteria tables where u make beats with pencils and fists all at the same time. <br /><br />finally the cameramen began to leave and the ladders descended from the speakers and we knew it was time. everyone was all smiles walking out of the arena. i felt a bit high and buzzed and sweaty and ready to conquer something. i bought my tour book and went out into the night, where the sky was once again purple. the haze is probably typical to smoggy la but it fit into my story just perfectly. <br /><br />it was 1:30 in the morning when we hit the streets and knowing traffic we didn't get home til 2:30. and of course i couldn't sleep. when i started to think back on it, tears came to my eyes. i felt so abundantly thankful. due to my dear uncle p, i have seen musical legends chaka khan, sheila e, stevie wonder, maceo parker and legends in the making sharon jones and the dap kings and janelle monae. four shows, four cities, in a little over four months. it still boggles my mind. <br /><br />the rest of the trip consisted of going to venice, santa monica, and hollywood, where we made a visit to amoeba records. they could have gotten all my money in there, i swear! i am collecting my prince cds and trying to do so from indie records stores as much as i can. 3121 was first from kmart. can't do everything indie as much as i want to. i bought used for you on vinyl and diamond and pearls in greensboro. i bought purple rain, dirty mind, and 1999 from schoolhouse records here in raleigh. and in la, come, rainbow children, and the lotusflow3r set. my heart almost stopped when i saw come in the store. i love that album and it was on my list of absolutely have to buy it if u see it. they had others that i didn't have but felt that they may be easier to find. but the search continues and i love it. <br /><br />i left that night and had a long uncomfortable flight home but made it in one piece. plenty of memories and souvenirs to help me remember. it was so much fun and so needed. i felt ready to face my busy summer which has gotten off to a great start. its looking like its gonna be eventful but in a good way. and i cannot think of a better way to have started it than that show. my sister is going again on sunday which will be the last show in the 21 nite stand. wonder what will be in store for her but she is convinced nothing will top our friday the 13th gig [<span style="font-style:italic;">which apparently was stevie's birthday</span>]. all i know is that i got to celebrate yet another accomplishment [<span style="font-style:italic;">got A's this semester</span>] thanks to dear uncle p. <br /><br />now i get to go back to my life and all of its interesting developments with yet another adventure under my belt. i could get used to this. i will be humming for the rest of my days. currently: the one u wanna c [<span style="font-style:italic;"> too tall to be talked down to, too over it to be put under</span>] <br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhASa8L34jjFUMp1qnCfrZ-Zs8KbdgbYSm_biMWM-xpKjwIkaiElM0Lz5-n2l3ymUE2VMZBlp3QQvXYzsWRaDCI3cCjM00dlVViNFYFabJKa2xjhhv2LuLaujyBw08H3ZCn-5QkwnqNLdTx/s1600/218348_174085692646079_132691213452194_389602_4065895_o.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 500px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhASa8L34jjFUMp1qnCfrZ-Zs8KbdgbYSm_biMWM-xpKjwIkaiElM0Lz5-n2l3ymUE2VMZBlp3QQvXYzsWRaDCI3cCjM00dlVViNFYFabJKa2xjhhv2LuLaujyBw08H3ZCn-5QkwnqNLdTx/s400/218348_174085692646079_132691213452194_389602_4065895_o.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5611702025234940626" /></a> <br />yessir u are as u spoil me with each show. as always, thank you. until we meet again.MinaMachellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18155829001264445204noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3920889560854954988.post-86255848324546224472011-05-06T17:08:00.000-07:002011-05-16T12:28:18.403-07:00rambling:rise to the challenge<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lj1aig3nef1qzb7gjo1_500.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 500px; height: 392px;" src="http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lj1aig3nef1qzb7gjo1_500.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br />i managed to survive the trap i set for myself. i do it continually as if to challenge my talent, my endurance, my commitment. entering this previous weekend i knew i had a massive amount of work to complete and after six hours of sleep in three days, i found myself finished with my first year of graduate school. it all culminated with a cat nap on the floor of studio, apparently so gone that shakes and name calls didn't wake me. thankfully there is no evidence of this but i couldn't help to laugh when they told me. its only appropriate. my body gives out when it has finished its work.<br /><br />i was proud of what i did and felt grateful that it was over. the exhibit went quite well, good impressions made all around. though i know i am not in a competition with anyone, maybe just myself, i still felt like i was winning. i felt like i was doing something that no one else was. that i was engaging and interacting on a level that others were not. that i was being noticed by my professors. it was paying off as it were. reflecting on it, i realized that i am being recognized as a force to be reckoned with. my work is of note to my professors and my classmates. my writing has been praised to me and within the realm for others to hear. i knew i was good but its nice to have it reflected back. it never gets old to me. i hope i did not sound boastful at all, just in awe of the recognition. i am used to keeping my head down and working, so this was a great end to a long semester/year. <br /><br />summer is on my doorstep. first task is to continue working for my actual job! first time i am getting continually paid as a graphic designer and its for the university. its fun and my boss is awesome. after which my actual vacation happens: LA baby!!!<br /><br />two very important people are there currently: my sister and best friend..... and uncle p!<br /><br />i am over the moon to see her and the added bonus of experiencing one of the 21 nite stand shows with her is just purple icing. she has been to two already and has let her purple hippie out to play. going to together will just be something else. we are basically the same person, so there will be non stop dancing, singing, and overall antics for that show. may do more than one, we will see. so round 4 will be next week. i cannot wait because being there with her is gonna be the real treat, i mean i love u, uncle p but as u surely know its not just u that keeps us coming back. its that atmospheric unnameable feeling, and being with my other half will bring on a whole other type of high.<br /><br />i love the image i put up there. i know my spirit has gotten me through these past few weeks. the pressure makes me rise to the occasion and i hope i never lose the ability to do so. i keep proving myself right the longer i am here. i hope everyone else finds the thing that they are meant to do, the place they are meant to be, and the things that will sustain them. with all that is going on in the world, you have to cherish and celebrate every second you have to do what u love. <br /><br />it trumps everything else.MinaMachellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18155829001264445204noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3920889560854954988.post-22452273214847026252011-04-03T16:50:00.000-07:002011-04-04T20:03:31.073-07:00adventure: greensboro, n.c.my adventures continued with the same end as the last one. i willed him to north carolina it seemed, and i was graced with new songs, new seats, new acquaintances both times. it seems like so long ago even though it was just this past week that he was around the corner from my house. its like time stops while you are in the arena and speeds up tremendously once you are outside again. each day barreling through until the next time you get your fix. its an adrenalized state that does dissipate after awhile but the fizzy high you feel is on call at all times. it can come back to you and put a smile on your face when all else is failing you. i've been pondering what it feels like to be the source of such energy. <br /><br />its unearthly to feel and must be divine to induce. <br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNHiGx9peLPsJrzUk8sQ5mC0DM9owGRadhIhlDNhO_0ObMGF6Nuzr_itsgQ7W_iN8kw3yRVlllqfk9MUg6LO2_3CT5J7rtLAHXHvwfAl3104ab25eTTEG44hL3WYOUAjk3LUXtfsOlVSWY/s1600/200262_163218497066132_132691213452194_327146_4509907_n.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 500px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNHiGx9peLPsJrzUk8sQ5mC0DM9owGRadhIhlDNhO_0ObMGF6Nuzr_itsgQ7W_iN8kw3yRVlllqfk9MUg6LO2_3CT5J7rtLAHXHvwfAl3104ab25eTTEG44hL3WYOUAjk3LUXtfsOlVSWY/s400/200262_163218497066132_132691213452194_327146_4509907_n.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5591528055649055490" /></a><br />the surprise encore in raleigh sprawled one last funky sweaty jam before i was released back into my life. the sky shone purple after the show and the cold water felt like baptismal relief. it was surreal to see walking out of the arena where i had just witnessed a version of purple rain that almost had me in tears. this experience was joining the ranks with the first. <br /><br />next up was greensboro, which counts as an adventure as i rode amtrak for the first time. [<span style="font-style:italic;">verdict: lots of leg room!</span>] for this show, i got first hand experience of his friskiness. <br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEib7O8n1SxsXWMRDtuo7_KSPQQ6zqpVq-NJSZHa1A9bNV76_Md9IcRmU7A07aPLNoMPCVRjr3IdxQ02o3Ac5avvzjhvEcKxnxF1m3Toje6Vc3-VfCfPPNcjYsBLSN9DCiklZ5AiIucpnmfX/s1600/200043_164141786973803_132691213452194_333590_7223705_n.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 500px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEib7O8n1SxsXWMRDtuo7_KSPQQ6zqpVq-NJSZHa1A9bNV76_Md9IcRmU7A07aPLNoMPCVRjr3IdxQ02o3Ac5avvzjhvEcKxnxF1m3Toje6Vc3-VfCfPPNcjYsBLSN9DCiklZ5AiIucpnmfX/s400/200043_164141786973803_132691213452194_333590_7223705_n.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5591526699164986754" /></a><br />now i have never been attracted to him like that, i do call him my uncle, however i do enjoy watching a man seduce an arena full of women. he did so in raleigh without a shirt underneath a open black jacket for kiss, which has no photographic evidence as everyone was mesmerized. he melted the house in greensboro fully clothed with a strut. the crawling and laying down on top of the piano helped as well. the feline nature is so apparent and the sequined suit makes him seem as if he is made of light. plenty of movements, quotes, and visuals to add to my library. my mind is just aggregating as each show brings something new, something unique, something unforgettable. <br /><br />like chaka & prince duetting on sweet thing, he said it best...<span style="font-style:italic;">are u kidding me?</span><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQAw6HbQ3NNjntPlXsadLrC-gtzwS9u-6tZeIgcqjpx3mhMnkfsiSLcIibjfEWOZolIkRirtyUQaFLnAXEZt2rsZRjwsiY6iAJ-7sRCaBFYZ5AcPQbd5yEg4Nn1WnxaBOe1JCGGdS1WGpF/s1600/195972_163283970392918_132691213452194_327650_2633353_n.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 500px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQAw6HbQ3NNjntPlXsadLrC-gtzwS9u-6tZeIgcqjpx3mhMnkfsiSLcIibjfEWOZolIkRirtyUQaFLnAXEZt2rsZRjwsiY6iAJ-7sRCaBFYZ5AcPQbd5yEg4Nn1WnxaBOe1JCGGdS1WGpF/s400/195972_163283970392918_132691213452194_327650_2633353_n.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5591526470776627762" /></a><br />its one long party that my mind keeps replaying while secretly seeking out new opportunities to continue the adventure. i have realized that my experiences at the shows are in a league on their own. a different experience all together with a different end than when i am listening through my headphones. my presence matters at a concert. as one of his backup singers tweeted back to me, <span style="font-style:italic;">if it wasn't for your energy it wouldn't be as funky</span>. i'm there to be in concert with the performers on that stage, singing and dancing as much as my small allotment of space will allow. its not a personal serenade, its a party. its a celebration of life and love. its testifying to the power of music, a church we all attend. i love being in that choir. i love seeing his reactions to music that seem to mimic my own. i love seeing him loving what he does. i love hearing the reactions of those around me. <br /><br />i love taking this feeling with me.<br /><br />its no mistake to me that he often ends with adore, repeating <span style="font-style:italic;">for all time i am with you, you are with me</span>. he is with me, constantly playing me through my joy and pain. it is my duty to make sure my presence is felt and worth staying with him. he is a part of so many of my memories and its gratifying to think i am part of his even if it is me and thousands of other people. that moment will persist if you are truly there to be in it. it annoys me when he has to constantly ask for feedback. its like they missed the memo. be in the moment, right here and now because this is fleeting. its so much better when you let go and only later do you realize that you were in concert with something larger than yourself. he induces, conducts, and embodies it but he is ultimately just another part. its takes all of us to make the whole. <br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzpXGjIa9cg6CzPidZdRvTOor21Y3zLvz4MXHitFHpL6b-fAT-Ii_HaBbb5T8TmS4lFWfWXmu-PdIW0Gwtsh5Nfi3iBBSplwEeOyYKRDiGV0TGG9U_lECVi2kxmkiL7FJ37EtCHgfgB0cu/s1600/189467_163544800366835_132691213452194_329256_6454254_n.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 500px; height: 398px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzpXGjIa9cg6CzPidZdRvTOor21Y3zLvz4MXHitFHpL6b-fAT-Ii_HaBbb5T8TmS4lFWfWXmu-PdIW0Gwtsh5Nfi3iBBSplwEeOyYKRDiGV0TGG9U_lECVi2kxmkiL7FJ37EtCHgfgB0cu/s400/189467_163544800366835_132691213452194_329256_6454254_n.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5591526276763453138" /></a><br />i needed that again as january's flight of fancy seemed like a very distant memory. but i am learning to bring this feeling into my life in small ways when i can. savoring every little moment like it is dark chocolate. and as much love as i have for him, his concerts will not be the whole of my happiness, just a part. its just a super rich condensed version of all that is good that hits me with this feeling so hard that i wanna go and change the world at one o'clock in the morning on a thursday. its a hard thing to come down from to a weary reality but it does seem to help me keep my head tilted upward. <br /><br />maybe that is why i always feel this abundant need to say thank you. its because he gives me hope and seeing him live reaffirms that. it keeps me lifted above what seeks to bring me down. call it spooky electric or the wicked ones but there is always some foul play at hand. and through his music, i am starting to find a better way. a way that keeps me at a level where i am peaceful in a silent room. i can smile. i can be alone and feel alive. i can be at one with something larger and find my way to myself through connecting with it.<br /><br />his music has generated this space for me to live and grow as i discover who and what i am. so imagine seeing this person in the flesh, being the physical embodiment of what you love and admire. it shakes you to your core and inspires you to continue on. with that being said, i have work to accomplish and all the fuel i need to do so thanks to my dear kinfolk. <br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXsUSFCN7GUbDpnksIzaXfw7Nhe1spTxEmW23WyU0G05_AFQew28wE5m0SF29W2dt364rJ83Mx4QmDscyNz_4U-5xBy3rA2ZOuLQ-lI8IykUnw7aesWHTubf06YjvIwGONgvhI8rgLFrpf/s1600/199894_164141386973843_132691213452194_333582_892342_n.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 500px; height: 367px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXsUSFCN7GUbDpnksIzaXfw7Nhe1spTxEmW23WyU0G05_AFQew28wE5m0SF29W2dt364rJ83Mx4QmDscyNz_4U-5xBy3rA2ZOuLQ-lI8IykUnw7aesWHTubf06YjvIwGONgvhI8rgLFrpf/s400/199894_164141386973843_132691213452194_333582_892342_n.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5591527345408945874" /></a><br />until we meet again.MinaMachellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18155829001264445204noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3920889560854954988.post-12242093783364749122011-03-19T18:40:00.000-07:002011-05-07T00:53:02.987-07:00rambling: talking to the moonspeak of the devil and he shall appear. well i thought of him actually. and i invited him back in. and its not a devil. never was though i casted him as one. it fit the plot, it fit how i felt at the time. but then i realized i was thankful to him. i am speaking of my ex of course. he was in my thoughts last night as i went over my old posts. i wondered how he was and decided i could handle letting him back in. i missed his friendship. <br /><br />we picked back up our rhythm like no time had passed. chatting away about our lives and of course began reminiscing on our life together. not only had he intentionally helped me but i am still in his heart now. the reason why this is so hard hitting is he was not attentive or affectionate while we were together. he loved me in his way and i thought of how difficult it must have been for him to watch me become less and less like the woman he fell in love with. partly due to him. so he pushed, and pushed until i had to get him outta my system and become what he always saw me to be. and as it turns out, it needed to be without him. <br /><br />he never left my heart, the love remained even though i didn't feel in love with him anymore. so to have all this care and affection barreling back at me today when i am least expecting it, when i had gotten used to being alone. actually happy being alone. it hasn't changed that but imagine being told that someone you love loves you. and not just a little but a lot and you are doing better than them. it seems that you are better off without them in your life. <br /><br />it sucks.<br /><br />we both feel like if its meant to be it will and til then we can be the best friend the other needs. but that knowledge is there. and also considering that we are older now, and wouldn't make the same mistakes of round one. we still have a ways to go as people and as friends, but now i have this person hovering in my subconscious rooting for me. wanting me to be the best version of myself, at his own forfeit. possibly his own detriment. <br /><br />its humbling, encouraging, and consuming. he still has that affect on me. can just hijack my thoughts and the moon tonight did not help. i always compared him to the moon, which he told me makes him think of me nightly as he is always looking for it now. i know, i know the sweetness was killing and making me think, "where was this before?" but just as he orbited back into my life, the moon was closer to the earth than its been in 18 years. it shone through a halo even from behind the clouds. sitting outside on a porch swing with a warm breeze blowing, i missed him more than i had in awhile. <br /><br />i do not know what this will mean. everything and nothing. it was like speaking what was already known in a way but that does not stop it from hitting you hard. maybe i can help him get to where he needs to be from afar without losing myself like i did before. i am not that girl anymore. and he does not want me to be. <br /><br />see the way he looks on paper, when written out it seems like such a no brainer, but yet we can't. yeah i know. it sucks. now this song from a new found love takes on greater meaning:<br /><br /><iframe title="YouTube video player" width="540" height="410" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/TQ_DPm8dmlo" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>MinaMachellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18155829001264445204noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3920889560854954988.post-38030085768081407102011-03-18T21:29:00.000-07:002011-03-23T22:56:44.057-07:00rambling: shedding light<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l8m71qC7601qd8ie6o1_500.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 500px; height: 356px;" src="http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l8m71qC7601qd8ie6o1_500.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br />so my life did not end after new york. though it seems that way. 2011 has been a bit of whirlwind with me coming up for air now as spring has landed on my doorstep. i missed the colors, the sunlight, the warm breezes. i recently updated my sister with whats going on in an email and realized how interesting my life looks typed out. i am making moves and proving myself right at every turn. this is where i am meant to be. new music is flowing into my head while others are waiting to be taken in. another continues to dominate. my reason for my first adventure of this year aka dear uncle p is making his way to north carolina next week. i will be at two shows and taking a bit of a trip to get to one. just a two hour train ride, and it will be my first time taking amtrak. yay another first! oh and i will be seeing chaka khan....sweet thing anyone?? i am telling you now, if the chords of that song or come on get played, i will have a fit. we'll see what prince has in store for rounds 2 & 3. <br /><br />i don't really have a reason to be writing right now but i just kinda felt like it. things are coming together and i like to look back at the chaos that beset this current state. i enjoy revisiting her, she was raw and unabashedly full of emotion and want. i forget her at times because i am working so hard to sate her. she lays dormant but is always there. i accept and appreciate her because i would not be here without her havoc. i had to see how far, how deep i could go because now i realize the full scope of how high i can go. getting to know me to the fullest has given me the ability to be happy with very little. i hope everyone gets to feel this simplistic type of joy. its based in this appreciation and understanding of what i love and what i am here to do. enjoy what i love, and serve my purpose. simple. but my shoulders are starting to burn a bit so i will retreat but if you are reading this and feeling a bit less that what you are, trust me it gets better. <br /><br />just love your way through the darkness. <br /><br />apparently for me, spring automatically means two things: horrible allergies but a better outlook on life. must be the colors & light. and since i am still traveling though my purple vortex i'll end with a lyric: "positivity, have you had your plus sign today? "MinaMachellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18155829001264445204noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3920889560854954988.post-34222768100557531522011-01-20T15:25:00.000-08:002011-12-12T18:21:07.093-08:00adventure: new york city, nyi still haven't thought of how to explain this. my vocabulary is vast and every superlative i think of cannot thoroughly describe what i just experienced.<br /><br />hyperbolic? nope, it was that awe inspiring. So what was it:<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimRa_Bi3kCqGHWXnft10R14bnydN-Wo-HrL7W4ioLK0gMhjC37-iMqRsoUvYa5g1QEF7JgP-TXCLdHMzF9DKRZZibqk2sFwZKtUV5G8-ERYJpadU9amsF9DjoBDucj4ryD3KAHYBq4CJjI/s1600/full_prince_live_3_wenn3173642.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 450px; height: 610px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimRa_Bi3kCqGHWXnft10R14bnydN-Wo-HrL7W4ioLK0gMhjC37-iMqRsoUvYa5g1QEF7JgP-TXCLdHMzF9DKRZZibqk2sFwZKtUV5G8-ERYJpadU9amsF9DjoBDucj4ryD3KAHYBq4CJjI/s400/full_prince_live_3_wenn3173642.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5565145284059497442" /></a>the man himself at madison square garden on 1/18.<br /><br />i have written about my love for this man a couple of times and how badly i wanted to see him in december. well i went with my rationality and decided not to make that trip. and not a few days into my winter break did i learn that the show was cancelled. i breathed a sigh of relief and joy as i learned of a new show. i kept my eye on it but it seemed so far away. i kept my focus on my time at home which was so needed. my family rejuvenates me.<br /><br />but the kid is kinda omnipresent. not only did i hear his music [<span style="font-style:italic;">without me playing it that is</span>] but apparently one of my sisters went to one of the shows in new jersey. i had to sit through her excited rantings about the show that i had already read was ridiculously good. she bounced around telling me of songs and all the encores and i thought:<br /><br />'how am i going to get to the next show?" <br /><br />i knew it would make my year and when i returned to raleigh i found a cheap flight and an amazing seat and said eff it. this was going to be my adventure for the semester, shoot maybe the whole year. nothing was going to stop me from getting my experience: first trip to nyc and first time seeing my musical alpha and omega. well the weather tried as hard as it could to stop me. flight was delayed for a couple of hours with rain and ice in new york. when we exited the plane, [<span style="font-style:italic;">actually down the steps onto the runway which i have never done before</span>] it was raining sideways. totally gray and white and cold. <br /><br />welcome to new york.<br /><br />but i still wasn't gonna let it stop my vibe even though my hopes of having a nice trek down museum mile were slashed, i took the shuttle to penn station. i was petrified in that car! nyc driving is not for the weak of heart but i survived. i met up with my long lost but never forgotten brother from another and had lunch. through this whirlwind it still really hadn't hit me that i was about to see him. not until i was wandering around the gates of madison square garden looking at the pictures and the sounds of lets go crazy began to permeate the air. it was like a scene from a movie. i began to follow the sounds trying to find the source, smiling the whole way, and i realized it was being pumped through the speakers. the lights were gleaming purple and his face was on the jumbotron outside. <br /><br />this was real.<br /><br />after meeting up with some purple people for food and laughs, i found myself in the crowd funneling into the garden. it was time. i made my way to my seat and had a moment when i realized how good my seats were. now i could go through the setlist and tell all the little details but the thing i want to capture if i can is the feeling. that transient thing that you and those around you felt. you cannot get it from pictures, not even from video. <br /><br />you have to be there. and for once, i was.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXr1OSOGEmjS_c4UMoATdLQGqMEOgzy-BoleO8q-GE2Dm_zvWp7DKU2NPVljjrMax-XB95Ej44RfiOvUCWCKmrw20wUcCYo3SC1-ukt2aZtwtCIAzGJaQGe_DgvkywALsM8hW0hF-LoUw0/s1600/stage1+copy.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 500px; height: 185px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXr1OSOGEmjS_c4UMoATdLQGqMEOgzy-BoleO8q-GE2Dm_zvWp7DKU2NPVljjrMax-XB95Ej44RfiOvUCWCKmrw20wUcCYo3SC1-ukt2aZtwtCIAzGJaQGe_DgvkywALsM8hW0hF-LoUw0/s400/stage1+copy.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5565144549348835714" /></a><br />it was obvious that he was in good mood and that he was going to use every last second of time he had. with one amazing opening act with sharon jones and the dap kings, the kid had time to burn. when i first saw his silhouette through the smoke, standing on top of the purple piano with his flashing light heels, i took one of those shuddering deep breaths you take when looking over the edge of a cliff. i knew i was jumping head first into an experience that was going to be unrivaled for the rest of my life. i knew that he was feeling us before the first note was played. it felt like i was in the sights of a playful cat and he began with a tease and continued to work us over for more than two hours. along with features from sharon, the dap kings and maceo parker, he put on a show.<br /><br /> operative word being show. <br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhru4cVTi24OvYv-MzL70LNbKKDz5kwP-Kh_mCYRliLRe_NJ9z9vFDtUN10xcf1woT_zdx_jLjK42DdJzVnPDIc4osoBI65rvLwzcCU45ATI1E5_E1j4yy8kG8MPHyfuldLUaT0XdkD30Fh/s1600/full_prince_live_8_wenn3173647.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 500px; height: 731px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhru4cVTi24OvYv-MzL70LNbKKDz5kwP-Kh_mCYRliLRe_NJ9z9vFDtUN10xcf1woT_zdx_jLjK42DdJzVnPDIc4osoBI65rvLwzcCU45ATI1E5_E1j4yy8kG8MPHyfuldLUaT0XdkD30Fh/s400/full_prince_live_8_wenn3173647.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5565148782496151714" /></a>he was on form, showing us how a master works. he can make you dance, sing, scream, swoon, and hold your breath. he composed the vibe and held it in his palm for safe keeping. i felt synced with his mood as he grooved into songs that i had wished for but thought i may never hear. i screamed out 'omg!" when he began she's always in my hair. i sang every word, swayed to each rhythm and managed not to cry. laughing and smiling and struck dumb, i felt like i had been done over. an enitre relationship of seduction, interactions, and drawn out farewells. his influence is staggering. i knew about it but feeling it is unreal. listening to the conversations around me while there told his legend. an elderly woman told of how she was there with her middle aged daughters who brought their children. a middle aged man spoke of how he r&b'd and rocked and "r.kelly can't do that and neither can any rock guy." when walking out i took my time but when i finally stood still i felt myself vibrating. my legs bouncing and hands shaking. once our group met up again the look on their faces anticipated my response as they knew it was my first. i jumped up and down and shared in their joy because we knew we had just seen something special. <br /><br />we were high. but my night was far from over.<br /><br />we ventured to brooklyn where we knew maceo was playing and perhaps prince would show up. he didn't but i'm happy we choose to attend rather than standing outside at his exclusive afterparty growing bitter. maceo was on his game with lettuce at his back. even questlove showed up to jam for a bit. he performed night and day with ray charles sunglasses on and went out with pass the peas. i could feel the drums in my chest and my skin growing hot as the jam went on. i danced only feet from the man. i was in a musical heaven that i still don't think i have come out of or ever will. if nothing else good happens this year, i can think of this. i can remember seeing and feeling brilliance. i can remember fellowship and camaraderie with strangers. i can remember dancing and singing into the night to songs that define my life with the man that made them possible. <br /><br />i don't know if i can truly demonstrate my love for this man, his music, and the experience he just gave me. i came with love as he feels like kin to me and i got it back. of all the words that fail, two will have to suffice: thank you.MinaMachellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18155829001264445204noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3920889560854954988.post-17946949695076673402010-11-27T16:25:00.000-08:002010-12-13T16:29:32.740-08:00two cents: know thyselfso it seems pretty clear to me that we live in a rather self-centered culture. we have i-everything and all types of personalization features at our fingertips and ironically it seems that so many still have no idea who they actually are. these identity based decisions seem to be filler. substitutes for true personal identification. we allow our purchases to speak for who we are, which isn't that bad of thing if you can actually speak for yourself too. if you got robbed tomorrow, would you still know who you are?<br /><br />so why do i think its filler? well i think we take in so much from external sources and allow that to tell us who we are. we take cues from culture or those who we hold near and dear to tell us what we should be doing or feeling. you must go to college or you are ignorant. you must be married with two kids and dog and picket fence or you have failed as an adult. you must drive this car or listen to this music or behave this way to be a part of the group. you see these people bolstered by their decisions to be either a part or apart from these groups as their identities. you take these things away, and you are left with more questions than answers in front of a mirror. most of us don't like that. being left to one's own devices leaves most people uneasy i think because they haven't spent much time figuring that person out and who likes to be stuck alone with a stranger. <br /><br />i spend a considerable amount of time alone and i am thankful for it. i know myself better than anyone and thus, i know when i get a real connection. i know when someone is on the level with the real me or the idea of me. there will always be layers of you, that is necessary and knowing what to share with who is self-survival number 1. but you have to know that core. that person that you are when no one is looking. when its just you having a talk with your cosmic companion [<span style="font-style:italic;">got that phrase from mlk</span>]. knowing your deepest wants and desires and needs and not being ashamed. the person who laughs out loud at random things most people miss. the person who sings and dances when no one is around. the person with the internal glitches and quirks that you hide. <br /><br />that person is you. for better or worse. you can always improve, grow and mature if you are not rainbows and sunshine and who of us is? but that change requires effort. that requires activity and in a culture where all you have to do is color coordinate your accessories to show you have a personality & identity, who would bother with all that work? false activity or pure passivity continues until people get to be middle aged and think "how did i get here?" [<span style="font-style:italic;">cue talking heads once in a lifetime</span>] <br /><br />why not try to figure you out right now? only you can do this. and mind you, you are stuck with this person for life. imagine being hijacked or followed by a stranger for all those years. <br /><br />go 'head and marinate on that for a minute. peace and be wild.MinaMachellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18155829001264445204noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3920889560854954988.post-63139856922289870212010-10-31T15:59:00.000-07:002011-01-22T15:07:04.074-08:00adventure: washington d.c.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggcFty63BXtaclLTWH5M46XVipJcIi3xVm6CxWBLAZjk3XKyVWpVsILcWarezhMNoCH6mf3NgU_pMMAjX68KL7Y7Pl6xv33hqD6HhLsajS2bE35DTc8OaJ207vLqksd-iV8zUb35jlZ-Cp/s1600/dc2.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 500px; height: 487px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggcFty63BXtaclLTWH5M46XVipJcIi3xVm6CxWBLAZjk3XKyVWpVsILcWarezhMNoCH6mf3NgU_pMMAjX68KL7Y7Pl6xv33hqD6HhLsajS2bE35DTc8OaJ207vLqksd-iV8zUb35jlZ-Cp/s400/dc2.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5565146765648581986" /></a><br /><br />my exhaustion after the past 24 hours is staggering but i cannot sit still. my fingers have been aching to type out exactly what i just experienced. i felt myself buzzing with energy so much that i could not sleep last night until about 4 am. <br /><br />i thought about why i wanted so badly to go to the rally to restore sanity and/or fear. i watch the daily show and colbert report like clockwork. i sigh in relief as they mirror back to me my sensibility and make me see things i would have never noticed otherwise. i feel a part of this knowing community that just gets it as they do. but i am in my room, headphones on, laughing aloud with no one. this event was the first time i actually wanted to be part of a group, i actually wanted to be counted. i fit into the category he described and i knew that i would be there if i could. i knew that i would not want to miss whatever was going to happen. but the draw was wanting to be amongst the invisible like-minded masses i knew i was a part of.<br /><br />with that being said, right from the beginning i was struck by the older crowd that rode the bus with me to dc. i was pleasantly surprised to find myself in this company of middle aged to elderly people that found the same things funny and important that i did. the crowd was a total mixture of people. humor crosses barriers like music. <br /><br />after a long and uncomfortable ride [<span style="font-style:italic;">despite me having the only empty seat on the bus next to me, three feet of legs cannot be bent any which a way</span>], i found myself alone, but not really in union station. As we approached I could see the droves all headed in one direction. I could feel the pull of humanity converging in one spot. Everyone sipping their coffees and wearing their fleeces in the chilly morning air. It seemed normal and extraordinary at the same time. <br /><br />i began walking out from union station, eager to find my way, just following the crowd. overhearing the sparse conversations, i zoned out just anticipating the sight of the national mall. i wanted it to hit me what was happening and what i was a part of. i took pictures as i went and got noticed by a group of elderly white women from south carolina who told me i could hang with them. they noticed that i was alone and were absolute sweethearts, decked out in blue, visors, and buttons. <br /><br />after passing by the capitol, i could see the washington monument and knew that we were there. the media barricade let me know i had arrived but also made me sigh a bit. especially the fox news truck. and i think everyone had that same response to seeing them there. but just as quickly as i may have sighed, i gaped at the huge crowd. i felt disoriented of not knowing where to go, but also by how many people were already there.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEGt7PaQUDxxrsUOAjAKmM5xYXrf6eHTJJXCPnW9KQGb1uLGSTGEIrU7F6UjONAAvWtQ12ut4JQlmtnjqNANsFtF86j7tEwX1KsLIz-0VB8fcVxyyYIfPIzv5c90zjV3EngcmulF7NtFRl/s1600/Crowd1.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 450px; height: 600px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEGt7PaQUDxxrsUOAjAKmM5xYXrf6eHTJJXCPnW9KQGb1uLGSTGEIrU7F6UjONAAvWtQ12ut4JQlmtnjqNANsFtF86j7tEwX1KsLIz-0VB8fcVxyyYIfPIzv5c90zjV3EngcmulF7NtFRl/s400/Crowd1.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5565150340207433522" /></a> i felt myself scurrying to find my space, take pictures, and take it all in. music was playing, tea towels being handed out, costumes to notice, signs to read, and a bathroom to find. i was just kinda giddy and found myself smiling. i kept thinking of my sister who i knew would have been there if she could, and her telling me, i just hope people show. i just hope that its big. well, people showed. there were people for as far as i could see. it felt like being in the middle of living organism and for the first time ever, i was in a crowd and not nervous. not worried about someone swiping my bag or doing something nasty. people may be dressed up, being silly, and ridiculous, but there was not a hint of indecency. <br /><br />i caught as many of the funny signs that i could and eventually found myself kind of positioned where i was going to be whether i wanted to be there or not. i could see a screen or three so i was happy. the screens played various videos from the build up to the rally, which created a different experience for me. watching clips in a huge crowd and laughing together was heartwarming. <br /><br />once the show began it was an odd situation. i was excited to see the roots and john legend but i was also not around the most hype crowd. they also seemed to play some rather somber tracks, that along with some other guests, that numbed me a bit. i enjoyed them obviously but they did not elevate me the way the whole train sequence of songs did. i was so pleasantly shocked and surprised with each of those guests. being in the crowd was more of an experience than the content of the show itself. it spoke to what we already knew, and agreed upon with our presence. just as i began to get restless with my legs burning, jon began his closing remarks. he put the bow on it that i wanted and needed. he did what he always does for me by explaining it better than i ever could. <br /><br />and i believe he it said it perfectly. the feeling of being there was that of civility, decency, and playfulness. there was a good sense of this being the group of people that i belonged to. and as someone who has never felt particularly patriotic her whole life, it was refreshing to see the america i belong to. i have always kind of felt proud to be an american in the sense that i would not want to be anything else, but there was nothing about us that made me uniquely happy. <br /><br />but in these recent years of change and turmoil, basically the past decade, has shown us at our best and worst. i do believe more and more people are fighting for the better angels of our nature because the ground beneath our feet keeps shifting. its makes you realize even more what you have to value in order to survive. we will never be homogenized because we were not engineered to be so and what makes us amazing is how we function within our differences. how when we do converge great things happen, even if it is quietly. we do not have to scream about it, we just do it. <br /><br />that is something i can be a part of. the unity of decency. our ability to co-exist and work together and to see how much that is hindered with falsity and corruption is sad. it is different when it is the rest of the world talking bad behind your back, its another thing when its you talking bad into the mirror. it was refreshing to feel that the people are aware and tired of being lied about and to. as difficult as things may be, we have not perished and if anything, we have had our egos checked. the common humanity of wanting to push forward together was felt and i think that is more our focus than what they would have you believe. having to dig through their white noise makes it difficult. it makes you question whether or not that is the point, but that gathering and the satellite rallies around the country and world [<span style="font-style:italic;">apparently up to 84 countries</span>] told me that we are not wrong. that i was and will continue to be a part of community that will not pandered to. as jon said, seeing everyone restored his sanity and empowered my own. sometimes you just need to know that its not just you laughing alone to yourself. that someone else sees what you see.<br /><br />though it seems to have baffled the talking heads, i know what i felt and experienced. i get to say i was amongst the counted of people who are rarely seen or heard at an event that will be referenced again and again. will there be some massive change? who knows. maybe just maybe we will get our news back, instead of people trying to be entertaining. but i think the simple fact that the rally occurred proves that change that is happening all around us and this was just a chance to be seen. to prove that it is legitimate and real. i'll never forget it. i find myself inspired to continue on this trajectory of just trying to be the best person i can be and push to be a force of good. design is in bed with the very thing we were rallying against. we study these manipulations. i made a conscious decision not to be a part of it and becoming an ethical designer and educator. its the small but important conflict that i choose to face. i think if more people figure out what their role is, because trust me you have one, we will be better off. if everyone stepped up their awareness and realized you do not have to be force fed anything. <br /><br />funnily enough i cannot wait until the daily show and colbert report comes back on to comment on their own event and the coverage of it. but if there was anything else left to say, thank you to these gentlemen, their staff, and all the people who came out. the experience was truly made by you and will resonate because of you. <br /><br />how cool was that though...we got to represent ourselves for a change. <br /><br />and i was there. i will take being tired in exchange for that.MinaMachellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18155829001264445204noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3920889560854954988.post-23634435856954207982010-10-28T14:42:00.000-07:002011-04-09T15:07:23.710-07:00decision: adventures<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://12.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kqf5ya1oad1qzadf6o1_400.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 400px;" src="http://12.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kqf5ya1oad1qzadf6o1_400.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br />so when i look back on all these ramblings, there is a sure common thread of wanting. of yearning to do the things that i dream about doing or see others doing. wanting to have the stories i listen to others tell. i put it rather plainly: i want life.<br /><br />well now i am allowing myself this with what will be my adventures. taking the initiative to do what i want, whether or not anyone else around me wants to. i started to think of all the times that i had not gone to do something because i did not want to be alone. i wanted to experience it with someone else. movies i can always do alone but other events like concerts are meant to be enjoyed by a group or crowd. but now, forget about it. the other liked minded people in the crowd will be my gorup. <br /><br />my first adventure: washington d.c. for the rally to restore sanity and/or fear this saturday. one blogger called this event our generation's woodstock. thousands will be flocking to the national mall and i knew that i could not miss this. unlike my sister who would be there except for her you know "life" i have no excuses. so i will be taking a bus day trip to the capital to enjoy a couple of hours of good time, community, and comedy.<br /><br />i am excited. i am proud of myself for doing it and not just thinking about it. i was almost discouraged when no one i knew wanted to go as well but i know what means something to me and what i would regret if i was not there. i have seen it happen too many times to me [<span style="font-style:italic;">paolo nutini live, obama rally in stl, etc</span>] and i could not bear to have it keep happening. <br /><br />now the only issue is how often can i have these adventures? what can i do within reason?<br /><br />uncle p is having a series of shows in nyc in december. and the real deal sealer, miss janelle monae will be there. the woman who i facebook messaged once i fell for her voice and actually got a reply. the woman who i told if i was a singer, i would want her voice. who i asked for hair advice [<span style="font-style:italic;">just leave it alone, apparently</span>] the woman who i told that i admire and that i can say stands alone in the category of her contemporaries. i quite simply love her and i am proud of her like i know her personally.<br /><br />i told myself if this happened i would be there. that was some wishful thinking months ago but it actually happened. the rationality in my mind says of course he will tour the whole country, not just nyc and to wait. the other part says, so what, you could afford it if you act now. you aint never been to nyc and never seen him or her for that matter. what could possibly be holding you back? it would have to work perfectly. nothing could go wrong. i would have to find a way to get tickets though they go on sale while im in dc. <br /><br />are they both once in a lifetime deals? i don't know. do i wanna risk it? not really....<br /><br />but to say the very least, i will be having my fun now. no holding back. <br /><br />and of course now, i am sure others will be announcing tours [<span style="font-style:italic;">iamx??</span>] and robbing me blind. but i would be soooooo happy. <br /><br />decisions, decisions. decisions.<br /><br />[<span style="font-style:italic;">i'm not gonna go to nyc but d.c. is tomorrow. i'll let u know!</span>]MinaMachellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18155829001264445204noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3920889560854954988.post-4808621265372711012010-10-01T21:09:00.000-07:002010-10-31T20:38:03.955-07:00rambling: ooh wee sha sha coo coo yeayou know those moments when you stop and realize that change is actively happening right where you stand? not only is it happening but you are part of it. i feel that from time to time now. i can feel my mind expanding, my vocabulary being used and not hitting blank faces. i can feel myself learning and engaging. the blood pushing its way through my veins, not just passing idly by, taking a tour of the facilities. i feel happy, i feel alive. in the moment of consciously understanding where and why i am. <br /><br />kinda heavy huh? but thats the things that have been on my mind as of late. i have always been of an older more mature nature but i feel as if i am not negating it. i am not trying not to be serious or trying to fit into what a typical 20 something is supposed to be. i am not settling. i am following that elusive inner compass and seeing where it takes me. its what lead me here, landed smack center of one of the most talked about design conferences to happen this year at a college whose reputation grows each day in a state that was just granted money from the government for education which is where my eyes point towards anyways. im under the wing of the woman that inspired me to believe that i could fuse together the two passions of my life. <br /><br />for lack of better phrasing, i am supposed to be here. <br /><br />i find myself alone here, broken between my room and studio. much like my undergraduate career. but there i had friends, my aces that grew closer to me as i withdrew from everyone else. they held me up often but distracted me as well. these distractions i welcomed with open arms and eyes as i needed some 'life'. i wanted my own stories and scars and surely i got what i sought. but what i did not see coming was how clearly i would be able to see myself after all of it. seemingly i had to lose me to find me. she was always there but she was happy to let others take the reins. <br /><br />but now that i have the reins firmly in my hands, and i feel as if i know in general where i am headed, i am alone. are they mutually exclusive? i don't think so, but it depends on what i am willing to give. right now, i value my health and my work. sometimes these don't always sync up but i will say that i realize that for my sanity i have to be alone sometimes. i have to separate studio and home. i have to be allowed mental breaks, whether its as simple as watching the daily show & colbert report everyday, i must have voices in my head that are not my own and not other designers. <br /><br />i love what i do but it will swallow you whole. i enjoy the company of my studio mates but i think i have gotten ready to find a niche here that is beyond their reach. i have never expected to find any more aces here, i knew i would find colleagues though. and there are some truly interesting figures and minds here. but of course, old habits die hard. i still find myself attached to a screen obsessing over some towering cultural figure in my life [<span style="font-style:italic;">currently, mr. prince rogers nelson, aka uncle p</span>] <br /><br />but one thing that i am reassured by is that i not only admire these people, i love them and see something of myself in them. it can be something very basic, but there is some connection there that gives me hope. take my dear uncle for example. he gives me faith that i can and will grow and change. that evolution as an artist and person do not have to be mutually exclusive. there is a peace to be had if you are not afraid to take a journey of course. there is something to be said of that man's fearlessness. there is something to be said about his spirit. his journey, as far as i can tell, is not a pretty one, its not wrapped in pretty little purple bow. and that just the tidbits you can discern here and there. its in the music from what i deduce. one of the things i love about him is how he communicates with such emotional honesty in his work, which is not easy. <br /><br />there seems to always be a discussion of whether or not you respect and/or like that person outside of the work. well for me, he is somewhat omnipresent in my life as i can never imagine him not being there. that being said i realize and respect how utterly human he is. he grabs my heart with his search for peace, happiness, and love. i do not expect perfection. and as much i hope that the people i love are as lovely as they seem, the relationship that means the most to me is that 1 to 1 relationship i have with the sounds coming out of my speakers. its a way for me to have wisdom whispered in my ears and what i seek is a connection with what you are trying to communicate to me. thats the whole reason i fell for them in first place. they connected, they made contact and with him, he is hitting like .750. mind you, i still haven't heard everything. i have listened to twenty five albums in their entirety and still have some way to go. he does not make it easy and i think thats one of the things i enjoy. i like rising to the occasion that he sets out before me as a listener. sometimes i am rewarded, sometimes i shake my head, but either way i am engaged. i am elated he is still recording, performing but i am thankful to say i know what i behold now with him. i never got it before, but i do now. eyes wide open, heart even wider. <br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://userserve-ak.last.fm/serve/_/178948/Prince.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 500px; height: 500px;" src="http://userserve-ak.last.fm/serve/_/178948/Prince.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a> <br />my name is mina and i am a purple hippie [<span style="font-style:italic;">ooh wee sha sha coo coo yea</span>]<br /><br /><br />but i digress, just the ability to admire i think is valuable. to see beyond yourself and be able to praise, when seemingly so much of our nature is the opposite. <br /><br />i had a thought last night, in one of my many late night thinking/talking sessions, that i could not think of a moment where i had done something so vile that truly haunted me. the things that i have felt shame for, have been forgiven by the people that i wronged in some way. but i do not have that one story that i wish i could fix. i think i am so aware of that now. <br /><br />i am truly only here to facilitate and help those that i can. i like influencing people, whether it be giving advice or turning them onto some new music. i like leaving an imprint on a person. its just about the only thing i value. that my love for others causes me to want to do good, be good, and inspire good. i know that i inspire. people have been telling me for ages that they look up to me and it makes me aware that what i do has an effect. people look to me for cues that i just naturally send out i think. and to think i could lead someone astray by what i am doing, i think lupe fiasco said it best, i would rather not be remembered at all. <br /><br />still a bit heavy huh? lol<br /> <br />i know but i figure, if i am in a moment where i can feel myself having an impact, i am not being distracted, i have the time to ponder, what better thing could i be doing? at least i know i can have an effect. i think we all can but that requires activity, not passivity. and that is not a punitive statement as people do have other more pressing matters. but one of the luxuries of academia is i don't. <br /><br />its so obvious im meant to be an intellectual, its not even funny. <br /><br />well just a bit. but i can truly say that i am happy. i am not complacent so expect some furor to manifest but seriously, "aint nothin ever came from complaining, 'cept a bitter heart." good ol uncle p.MinaMachellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18155829001264445204noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3920889560854954988.post-29382233538885167142010-08-16T15:03:00.000-07:002010-10-01T21:09:11.371-07:00rambling: dream on<blockquote><span style="font-style:italic;">I may be just a foolish dreamer<br />But I don't care<br />'Cause I know my happiness is waiting out there somewhere<br />I'm searching for that silver lining<br />Horizons that I've never seen<br />Oh I'd like to take just a moment and dream my dream<br /><br />-the commodores "zoom"</span></blockquote><br /><br />its official over here in so many ways. i am now 23, a graduate student, resident of raleigh, a licensed driver and utterly alone from all those i know. my music keeps me company to fill the silences of anonymity. i am now that tall chick to those who happen to see me pass. <br /><br />i like it. <br /><br />i said i wanted to press reset and here i am in front of a black screen. an open canvas. that nervous energy is back. that rhythm and bounce is back. my inquisition is leading in the right direction. and i like it. i find myself smiling for no reason only to find that i am brimming with pride at the fact that i did it. i said i wanted something and did it. and not only did it, but did it largely on my own. i mean the support was there but getting all this together was in my hands. no counselors or mentors. just me, saying you can do this. you can find it. <br /><br />its there, just take it. <br /><br />and here i am. now clearly there are sacrifices involved. its not like i am not paying for this, literally. but i have granted myself this time and in the best possible place. ncsu is a role model program that is only getting better and more recognized. and i get to play a role in that. the studiomates are nice, so are the roommates. the campus is huge and beautiful. so clearly i was in the best possible place right? all smiles. well not necessarily. of course the buzz killington of my life had to step in the remind me the literal cost of what i "call myself doing." as if i was "signing my life away" for nothing. as if i was randomly risking so much without any idea. funny how the faithless will wait to speak up once its already done. however, it was intended to sound, it went in one ear, smashed through all my excited smiles and pissed me off. but then i stopped, talked my way through it and came out laughing. <br /><br />i am moving on with my life and if you cannot be excited & supportive, step aside. i am heading onwards and upwards regardless of your two cents. i laughed to think of the conservative this person has aged into. i think of how much im going to defy that way of thinking. i already have and will continue to do so. nothing will stop me dreaming my dream. <br /><br />scratch that. <br /><br />nothing will stop me from living it.MinaMachellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18155829001264445204noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3920889560854954988.post-50405061670902421372010-06-30T17:14:00.000-07:002010-07-01T13:48:41.238-07:00rambling: isolation & acceptanceisolation. i enjoy it when it is forced or happenstance. i enjoy being by myself, i feel comfortable that way i suppose. i do miss those that were closest to me but when i think of all that goes into any interaction, i become weary of it before it has begun. the vulnerability and the supposition that i know what is going to happen even before it does. but yet i still long for a companionship worthy of folklore. my romantic mind dreams up an individual that i will probably never encounter. i spend my time talking to this invisible counterpart, holding court, reminding myself of things i already know. needing to speak to them to make it real, because my thoughts can belie themselves. the cunning little fuckers will trick the mind that bore them. i hold it all together because i know myself so well. if i was afraid to face myself, this would never work. i would mutilate myself much more harshly and in a non-metaphysical way if i had not found some way to accept myself. in all my craziness, my flaws, i function with a resolute belief that i am okay. my oddity does not give me any reason to fear, just gives me even more reason to be proud of how well i do function. of how well i can handle myself when my biggest foe is myself. not much else gets to me like i get to myself which would lead to the supposition that i should be able to tell her to shut up and get on with it but with that there is the misfortune of having to be with myself all day. every day. all the time. i love the company but sometimes the trick turns on me and i have to work around her treachery. my work does that. music does that. all my fascinations do that. i try to focus on them so that i won't steered towards the darker things that could kill me. i haven't stumbled towards the liquor cabinet yet. i keep myself on the straight and narrow i think. but i also cannot fall so deeply into a solipsistic hole that i cannot interact with people anymore. i worry that i will be a sayer not a doer and will just continue to be fascinated by others thinking that coulda been me. <br /><br /><br />but with all that said. <br /><br />i know i won't.<br /><br />i'm too aware of it i think to do so. my neurosis won't let me mess this up. <br /><br />when the time comes, i will pounce. i will not fail. i will not falter. til then, my best & most complicated relationship is with myself and i doubt i have the capacity to truly take her out.<br /><br /><br />[<span style="font-style:italic;">happy 100th, phd. i hope u like the new digs & the craziness that just sprawled out of me.</span>]MinaMachellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18155829001264445204noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3920889560854954988.post-50960790183950127532010-05-25T21:49:00.001-07:002010-05-26T09:54:57.935-07:00rambling: medical mysteryfor the past few days my body has felt like it is fighting me. i have polycystic ovarian syndrome, a whole amalgamation of symptoms that vary from patient to patient and manifest themselves differently. but something we all share is insulin resistance, my body does not process it properly. meaning my blood sugar is something i have to be aware of or i may pass out. its the worse feeling in the world. i feel like i am dying when i am in a hypoglycemic bout and thankfully i bounce back rather quickly. i was diagnosed when i was twelve, so i am used to it, but for the past five days i have felt unable to bounce back. its like being a stupor, a haze. it comes and goes but i know i am not at one hundred percent. <br /><br />another part of this condition and the core of a lot issues i have/had is a hormonal imbalance. can you imagine my identity crisis as a twelve year old when i have hair growing down the side of my face, my voice is of a lower register, i am already taller than everyone around me, and that a lack of menstruation set off this whole questioning & diagnosing yet i was staring down at a pair of c's? whispered conversations happened around me as i contemplated the freak that i was. part boy part girl. i have a complex about til this day. petrified that i may find myself wanting children with the child bearing hips i have grown into only to find i cannot. worried that the two halves will never reconcile themselves and i will produce the right amounts of both hormones. that i will always be out of whack. that i must smile brightly and wear things obviously feminine not to warrant a response for a sir or mister. that has happened to me three times. i feel myself being the hugest joke ever played. the most naturally maternal person unable to have her own. the six foot four invisible woman. the walking billboard that no seems to see or pay attention to. a walking living breathing contradiction. <br /><br />i have come a long way from that confused preteen but she is still at my core. i have to rationalize and make things make sense for her. you feel bad right now because you need to eat. you have shave so often because of the imbalance and genetics. you feel depressed because of your isolation and anxiety. you want to drink because it numbs your brain and stops you from thinking to much. you crave this because of your addictive personality. i break myself down into these understandable bits so that she isn't confused anymore. self diagnosis because the worse thing is not knowing what is going on. <br /><br />i sate her by believing that my two halves, masculine and feminine, help me connect in ways others may not be able to. i can empathize. i am teaching myself to see everything that i possibly can as a strength and benefit to me if it is not killing me. this condition is not but it has shaped and molded me. it identifies a lot of me because we were introduced at such a pivotal time in my life. it is why sexuality and gender fascinate me. it is why my moods shift. i am a hormonal seesaw. being aware helps but does not make it any easier to deal with let alone explain to myself or anyone else. but since i feel my body and me have been at odds lately, i needed to try. she can not give out on me, my mind and heart have too many things to do. <br /><br />meanwhile,in continuing my compiling of my life the soundtrack, here a seven tracks i love and you may too if you give them a try:<br /><br />1. first time ever i saw your face- roberta flack<br />2. somebody to love- queen<br />3. money don't matter 2 night- prince<br />4. half life- sneaker pimps <br />5. you don't know me- ray charles<br />6. atticus- the noisettes<br />7. by the time- mika ft imogen heap<br /><br />cheers, phd. i needed that.MinaMachellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18155829001264445204noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3920889560854954988.post-20424476393993172662010-05-14T06:48:00.000-07:002010-05-14T06:53:01.690-07:00inspiration: sir ken robinson<object width="420" height="345"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/iG9CE55wbtY&hl=en_US&fs=1&color1=0x006699&color2=0x54abd6"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/iG9CE55wbtY&hl=en_US&fs=1&color1=0x006699&color2=0x54abd6" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="420" height="345"></embed></object><br /><br />one of the reasons i'm going back to school to work in education.MinaMachellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18155829001264445204noreply@blogger.com0