lessons: opinions, culture, & anglophilia

1. i do my hair better than anyone else ever has and it is cheap. [sidenote: i am all for supporting chris rock's good hair documentary but i already know that tale. but highly recommend others go see it. it will lessen the number awkward hair convos that you have with your friends.]

2. drag king shows aren't as interesting when they do a bunch of modern rock or hip hop songs. lackluster performances but they were amateurs so cheers for having the ummm guts to do it!

3. i love multitalented people.

4. even the shortest of ballerinas can command a stage. mozart's the magic flute was amazing. yay atlanta ballet!

5. another one of my siblings is moving back to atlanta...it's becoming a trend!

6. being out with my two good friends from high school reminded me that somethings will always feel natural.

7. my blood pressure is normal....thank the lord! my genetics have it in for me in that regard so i am elated bout that.

8. people do keep their word. as promised, the lovely people of iamx sent my surprise for designing the tote. i got three of my totes one of which has an autographed note from chris corner himself, two buttons, and an autographed copy of the latest single, my secret friend with imogen heap. i had squealy teenagery moment when i saw it, i can't even lie.

9. i do feel lonely, like an island, but i am understanding that its still better. before i felt like a deserted island, now i feel like fledgling paradise no one has discovered yet.

10. my anglophilia spans even into history. i have been watching vh1 classic all week, schooling myself on rock n roll legends: the who, the rolling stones, & queen. its funny when you see people in their prime, in the right context. you can see for yourself why they are unquestionable.

right now i am crushing on roger daltrey of the who. he was so so so nice in the tommy years and he has a voice i didn't expect. i loved the tommy movie as well. the performances from all three just made me jealous. we don't get performances and front men like that very often anymore. i mean queen at live aid, literally, had me gaping. that is the definition of crowd control. the who were great with their more or less balanced chaos while the stones slinked and grooved.





ahhh gotta love the brits. especially their open admittance of their music deriving from black music. the stones and the who were cover bands first and then produced their own work. i love that because they didn't just flat out steal without recognition like some other people we know. its cool to see the universal span black music had and has. it all comes back to us in the end don't it.

but really its the soul of it. its transcendental. its like how you know someone is lying. you can just feel it in there.

rambling: excuses & explanations

its funny to think that i feel the need to explain my absence to myself. i guess i am the one that i feel most accountable to right now. probably because i have a tendency to fail her...me. i hadn't felt like analyzing myself. someone had pressed pause again and i felt stuck like i was on fly paper. not to mention the creeping in loneliness and chill of autumn breezes making me miss parts of my old life. it seems more than a few months ago. a whole other era. leaps and bounds. i can't judge whether this is right or wrong, and give it a stamp but i can say that i feel better.

my sight is clearer. but i am not liking some of what i can now see.

times seem so bleak. but really its just a matter of patience. my focus has shifted towards something i thought i would never want: more school! i am applying to graduate school and thus pulled a brake on the job front for the moment. but the beauty of it is that i am not running into grad school as a haven from recession hell, but more so to do what i really want to do.

i figured it out! a career path. now granted i feel that my career and personal creative endeavors will remain separate but that is the beauty of it. i don't want the wrong passion to become my career because i will end up hating it. case in point: i haven't been able to enjoy listening to outkast again since finishing my seminar book.

so there it is my explanation. i have been knee deep in a melodramatic stand still depression while researching and applying to graduate school. i give myself excuses more than explanations sometimes i think. fluffy sounding reasons for not making the moves i need to. but writing forces me to explain. to be honest. to cut through some of the crap i tell myself to find some semblance of truth. its funny how you never have to dig too deep to find it.

love: rufus wainwright

there is a new love in our midst. and though i am late, he is right on time for me. if you haven't already, get familiar with mr. rufus wainwright. brilliant songwriter, musician, performer and an adorable character to say the least. check him out here in a great interview and performing the song that made stop dead in my tracks. press play.



do you know how hard it was to not laugh at jonathan ross trying to say his name?! god bless him and his speech impediment.

design: iamx merch

i have a tote for sale on iamx's site! check it out here.

lesson: facts, fears & of course, music

so what have i learned in the past seven days:

1. alexander key wrote "escape to witch mountain."

2. bobby cox is retiring as atlanta braves manager next year.

3. teaching english overseas is couple of hundred dollars away.

4. ted.com helps me relive college with great lectures and talks.

5. i use musical interests to read people.

6. i trust people i don't know more than people i know because i hold them to a higher standard but inevitably i don't really care for trust at all. i believe too much in the concept "to err is human" to ever expect anything. i still care, but i am never surprised.

7. i'm too rational to ever be a true addict, despite my nature and inclinations. no, this is what it really is. addict is too finite. its a label and i don't like labels. i may fall but i won't make it a habit.

8. james franco is a painter as well.
[i knew i forgot someone for my list. him and jonathan rhys meyers]

9. i fear being a speaker and not a doer.

10. i like the noisettes new album, and them in general really. her voice is unique but reminiscent at times of the following: janelle monae, amy winehouse, solange, & chrisette michelle. i know, a very nice discovery...obviously from london! press play.

rambling: fascination & forgotten doors

i reread my favorite book as a child this past weekend. the forgotten door by alexander key. it felt like holding an heirloom as i saw the childhood scratchings of my mother on the last page of the book. it was her favorite too. i once scribbled my name in there but quickly scratched it out, my handwriting seemingly out of place i guess. a pale blue stained hardback copy with no illustrations, the forgotten door tells the story of a little boy who literally falls to earth.

little jon has no concept of many things we find common and cannot understand how we complicate things that are so simple where he is from. and what really struck me was the ethical and moral tones in the text. maybe the seeds of current thoughts were sown here.

but i know why i must have loved it, simply from the dedication:
"to all those who like the starlight and wonder about other places and other people."

i become fascinated by things that are beyond me. the alien, the outsider, the outcast, the other. i relate to that feeling of otherness but i also love things that i cannot fully wrap my head around. when i reduce something into my understanding, i tend to destroy it.

i analyze and question to the point of circuity, til you are questioning the question. it all becomes pointless and you start over. so things not within this cycle hold value to me. i love music because i cannot do it. i respect those who can, same with architecture, athletes, comedians, chefs, actors, the list goes on and on.

and that is not to say that i do not look up to or respect those in my fields but i do not obsess over them. i do not turn to them for inspiration really. i am way more interested in the interelativity of these other things and what i do. seeing the connections.

is their process similar to mine?
do their minds flicker and ignite similar to mine?
are their inspirations similar to mine?

i am too immersed and self obsessed. and removed from that world to be frank. i do not design or make art to be part of that larger conversation, i do it to please myself. to sate myself. and studying it too closely ruins it for me. i begin to study their processes not my own and of course mimicry comes next. and we can't have that.

but studying another type of artist, a musician, actor, architect, scientist, whatever positively influences me and opens my mind into new possibilities. this is probably why i love mixed media. i do not see why things can't relate even if they are different. that is on the surface, beneath it, a lot of the same feelings and emotions and processes bring these things into existence.

i am fascinated by those people. by the person, not just the work. underneath that work lies a beating heart that a lot of times i can feel the pulse of because it relates to mine somehow.

there is empathy. i just understand what they mean and can relate it to my own afflictions, circumstances, experiences, and beliefs.

we are not so different and seemingly the outsiders are the ones who can see that. i am fascinated by the viewpoint of others who walk that line with me. we are all in the same circle but at different angles. looking over at someone else's paper for awhile makes the whole thing make sense sometimes.

we are always part of something even if we feel alone. it is truly amazing how untrue that can feel but i have been proven wrong every time. even individuality has a cult, a tribe, a collective.

just gotta find yours and connect however you know how.

being fascinated is the best feeling i know. its love, respect, empathy, inspiration, and conversation that can be conjured without the other even knowing about it. and that unawareness is sometimes necessary...you know the saying "never meet your heroes." but even without their personal participation, there is still a discourse because they exist and they are producing. they are inviting you in.

its a relationship that serves you selfishly as a blinking blinding reminder that you are not alone. you are not the only one who feels this or thinks that. you may be an outsider but we are out here with you. i am sure it is nice for them to know that. maybe it is symbiotic. they need us, we need them. thats a nice sentiment really.

little jon fell through a forgotten door into another world, thats how my brain feels. tons of little forgotten doors and each fascination taps into them and builds a image of what is really going on in there, which paints an image of me, the sum of many parts, which in the end is quite simple: just an outsider looking in and asking questions.

idea: escape & discovery

last night was good. i created something new. a new commission for a friend of mine and it felt nice to feel how i used to. bouncing around in my seat, composing to a beat. performing for no one.

i have learned something about myself. i am an escapist.

in the sense that everything i truly love doing is an escape from my own mind. i feel trapped in there sometimes, so when i am focused like a white line of blinding light, i am at ease. my obsessiveness barreling through every piece of freedom i can find.

this does not sadden me.

i am thankful i know this. and also that i am interested in so many odd and cultural things that my curiosity assures that i will never become boring. i am actively making myself a better version of myself by following my instincts, interests, whimsies as they run wild.

leaving my mind wide open.

i am also thankful that there is so much information in the world that i can never run out of music, movies, interviews, blogs, articles, photos, art, architecture, history, characters....there is just too much. if i do grow weary, its my own laziness or depressive side taking over momentarily.

i think i may start a new part of phd based on this idea. what i learned or discovered today? because i do learn something new everyday and have a horrible memory because there is constantly new information pushing the old stuff out.

escaping is just discovery.

every time, i set across a new terrain with my mental adventures. until i can have my physical ones, my to do list grows long.

i wish i could see my brain activity. it must be off the charts.