verbatim: 'talk' coldplay

[Oh brother I can't, I can't get through
I've been trying hard to reach you, cause I don't know what to do
Oh brother I can't believe it's true
I'm so scared about the future and I wanna talk to you
Oh I wanna talk to you
You can take a picture of something you see
In the future where will I be?
You can climb a ladder up to the sun
Or write a song nobody has sung
Or do something that's never been done

Are you lost or incomplete?
Do you feel like a puzzle, you can't find your missing piece?
Tell me how do you feel?
Well I feel like they're talking in a language I don't speak
And they're talking it to me

So you take a picture of something you see
In the future where will I be?
You can climb a ladder up to the sun
Or a write a song nobody has sung
Or do something that's never been done
Do something that's never been done

So you don't know were you're going, and you wanna talk
And you feel like you're going where you've been before
You tell anyone who'll listen but you feel ignored
Nothing's really making any sense at all
Let's talk, let's ta-a-alk
Let's talk, let's ta-a-alk]

exactly how i feel. cute vid too.

idea: 'get in tune with who you are'

maybe this is why i'm an insomniac. its the only time its quiet enough for me to listen. the more i do this, the more the rhythm is becoming clear. maybe once its loud enough, it will soothe me to sleep.

performance: songs currently in my head

i have got to make it to a rock concert, as soon as humanly possible.

meet: diane birch

she's new to me and probably to you too but i swear she has been here before... in a good way though. press play.

idea: idealism

sometimes i feel so stupid for my wide eyed beliefs but i have yet to let them go. i have been to the brink of all that i know, to the point of not being able to recognize myself and yet still see the good. i can still sing my own praises though i know how screwed up i can be. and this goes for many other people i know.

i think what truly bothers me isn't how idealistic that may sound, its the people who are unaware that kills me as well as the people who are aware and use it as a get outta jail free card for life. they choose to be victims of their flaws or use them as excuses to be lesser versions of themselves.

ideally what should be the case is to be aware of the flaws as well as the praiseworthy and combine the two into a complete self. actively change the things you don't like and own up when these things cause problems. admittance and ownership is strength.

thats being an adult. thats growth.

and since i know we are more vicious to ourselves than to anyone else, start there. learn to see the good, by starting with forgiveness, which begets acceptance and will yield a more unified whole. hows the saying go, 'a house divided...'

idealism isn't foolish, its a necessary buffer.

we can choose what we believe, and i am a full believer of seeing the good in people because it reminds me of the good within myself. that reflection gives me hope; that i am connected to an endless chain of reflected beams of good. aw, i am soo full of it sometimes.

idea: curiosity

curiosity is the seed of adventure. ask questions, deviate from plans, don't even set them. stepping one foot out the door is the beginning of one helluva story if you aren't scared. fear is useless remember, all that matters is the experience. string these together and you get life.

photo: does a body good

reasoning: clive owen

i try to be a woman of my word when i can, so i will explain yet another one of my crushes. i may have forgotten to list him before but it should be implied at this point because he surely fits my mold [dark hair, scruffy, pretty eyes, virile yet vulnerable, talented, and an added bonus, he's british].



well he shows you better than i could articulate why he is a formidable force in two of the most powerful and engaging movies i have ever seen.

firstly, there is bent. the movie is based off of a play, that tells the story of two homosexual men during the holocaust. clive's character, max, is a self professed "horrible person" who meets horst on the train on the way to dachau. after horst gives him advice on how to survive, max seeks his friendship to the point of bribing a guard to put them on the same job: the mind-numbing work of rotating piles of rocks for no apparent reason. it is meant to drive them mad, and horst doesn't take too kindly to the arrangement...at first. the attraction they feel towards each other culminates on one hot summer day while on their 3 minute break that allows them to stand still at about face, they find a way to make love.

as a person who lives for language and is sensitive and aware enough to feel without touch, i appreciated this but also as a lover of actors. they commit and take you on this journey with them.


[so they it off youtube but its brilliant.]


secondly, is closer which is also a play, where clive played dan. this movie introduced me to him and proved natalie portman to be a beast in small packaging. two other well acted scenes where two actors are sparring with one another, totally committed to their roles and taking you with them. clive plays larry who has just been dumped by his wife, anna played by julia roberts for dan played by jude law who left alice played by natalie.

it is a circle of deceit, pain, and love that rips at these people and leads to some fantastically brutally honest dialogue. its the language, the body movement, the look in their eyes. here he is in two of my favorite scenes where he expresses the intense pain of losing someone the way only a man could.





he plays complex tortured characters so well, the lovable brute.
one fascination down, many more to go.

idea: silliness

people underestimate the power of silliness. i don't know if its all the comedy i have been watching or babysitting for extended periods of time, i am finding that i am naturally a goofball. i mean i have actually laughed so much that i was sore for two days [a russell brand marathon of my own creation on youtube was to blame].

what i notice about the people i admire and find truly hilarious is that they are uninhibitedly silly. still youthful and innocent, wide-eyed, knowingly crude or lewd but without fear, charismatic, and use language for sheer comedic purpose. call it random, i call it hilarious.

the improvisation of it all is what i love, because it takes a lot to string together thoughts that quickly into something witty and coherent, well for the most part anyway. its like being on the inside of a joke watching someone's brain move that quickly. you can see it in their eyes and the sort of giddy yet orgasmic release of receiving the laugh. i understand the freedom a comedian must feel on stage and seek it but without all the bright lights.

it takes bravery to laugh and joke when everyone else scowls. we need our clowns, and even more than that we have to respect them. not everyone can do what they do and if you don't like it, lighten up or look away.

tap into your so-called childish instinct of silly. you'll be laughing so hard you won't even notice you've let go.

inspiration: all american rejects "move along"

[move along, just to make it through]

one of my favorite videos all time. i am realizing how much i really like them and though my hope isn't completely gone, it still wavers. so where or what to move along to?

lyric: dislike the design, but love the line

tv: palladia hd

music is at its best when it is live. even if you don't like the crowded sweatiness that tends to typify a good concert, there is something mystical about connecting with an artist and thousands of others, singing in harmony, its like love on crack. spastic, unrelentless and leaving you wanting more.

with this station you get the experience without spending a dime as they air live concerts all day it seems. in the interim they show very few commercials and music videos. and its all in high definition. so far i have been in attendance for an amazing coldplay show in japan, dave matthews band in atlanta, hard rock calling festival ft. john mayer, jason mraz, kd tunstall, the bangles, robert palmer, eric clapton, sheryl crow, and the police in London, all american rejects in st. paul, and maroon 5 in montreal.

for some bands this is the only way you should even experience their music because recording does not do them justice. i have a growing list of people i want to see live, not via palladia, because i know that there is one helluva show to be experienced.

go to a concert, even if you don't know the artist that well. i don't know about you but i love seeing people in their element.