my exhaustion after the past 24 hours is staggering but i cannot sit still. my fingers have been aching to type out exactly what i just experienced. i felt myself buzzing with energy so much that i could not sleep last night until about 4 am.
i thought about why i wanted so badly to go to the rally to restore sanity and/or fear. i watch the daily show and colbert report like clockwork. i sigh in relief as they mirror back to me my sensibility and make me see things i would have never noticed otherwise. i feel a part of this knowing community that just gets it as they do. but i am in my room, headphones on, laughing aloud with no one. this event was the first time i actually wanted to be part of a group, i actually wanted to be counted. i fit into the category he described and i knew that i would be there if i could. i knew that i would not want to miss whatever was going to happen. but the draw was wanting to be amongst the invisible like-minded masses i knew i was a part of.
with that being said, right from the beginning i was struck by the older crowd that rode the bus with me to dc. i was pleasantly surprised to find myself in this company of middle aged to elderly people that found the same things funny and important that i did. the crowd was a total mixture of people. humor crosses barriers like music.
after a long and uncomfortable ride [despite me having the only empty seat on the bus next to me, three feet of legs cannot be bent any which a way], i found myself alone, but not really in union station. As we approached I could see the droves all headed in one direction. I could feel the pull of humanity converging in one spot. Everyone sipping their coffees and wearing their fleeces in the chilly morning air. It seemed normal and extraordinary at the same time.
i began walking out from union station, eager to find my way, just following the crowd. overhearing the sparse conversations, i zoned out just anticipating the sight of the national mall. i wanted it to hit me what was happening and what i was a part of. i took pictures as i went and got noticed by a group of elderly white women from south carolina who told me i could hang with them. they noticed that i was alone and were absolute sweethearts, decked out in blue, visors, and buttons.
after passing by the capitol, i could see the washington monument and knew that we were there. the media barricade let me know i had arrived but also made me sigh a bit. especially the fox news truck. and i think everyone had that same response to seeing them there. but just as quickly as i may have sighed, i gaped at the huge crowd. i felt disoriented of not knowing where to go, but also by how many people were already there.
i felt myself scurrying to find my space, take pictures, and take it all in. music was playing, tea towels being handed out, costumes to notice, signs to read, and a bathroom to find. i was just kinda giddy and found myself smiling. i kept thinking of my sister who i knew would have been there if she could, and her telling me, i just hope people show. i just hope that its big. well, people showed. there were people for as far as i could see. it felt like being in the middle of living organism and for the first time ever, i was in a crowd and not nervous. not worried about someone swiping my bag or doing something nasty. people may be dressed up, being silly, and ridiculous, but there was not a hint of indecency. i caught as many of the funny signs that i could and eventually found myself kind of positioned where i was going to be whether i wanted to be there or not. i could see a screen or three so i was happy. the screens played various videos from the build up to the rally, which created a different experience for me. watching clips in a huge crowd and laughing together was heartwarming.
once the show began it was an odd situation. i was excited to see the roots and john legend but i was also not around the most hype crowd. they also seemed to play some rather somber tracks, that along with some other guests, that numbed me a bit. i enjoyed them obviously but they did not elevate me the way the whole train sequence of songs did. i was so pleasantly shocked and surprised with each of those guests. being in the crowd was more of an experience than the content of the show itself. it spoke to what we already knew, and agreed upon with our presence. just as i began to get restless with my legs burning, jon began his closing remarks. he put the bow on it that i wanted and needed. he did what he always does for me by explaining it better than i ever could.
and i believe he it said it perfectly. the feeling of being there was that of civility, decency, and playfulness. there was a good sense of this being the group of people that i belonged to. and as someone who has never felt particularly patriotic her whole life, it was refreshing to see the america i belong to. i have always kind of felt proud to be an american in the sense that i would not want to be anything else, but there was nothing about us that made me uniquely happy.
but in these recent years of change and turmoil, basically the past decade, has shown us at our best and worst. i do believe more and more people are fighting for the better angels of our nature because the ground beneath our feet keeps shifting. its makes you realize even more what you have to value in order to survive. we will never be homogenized because we were not engineered to be so and what makes us amazing is how we function within our differences. how when we do converge great things happen, even if it is quietly. we do not have to scream about it, we just do it.
that is something i can be a part of. the unity of decency. our ability to co-exist and work together and to see how much that is hindered with falsity and corruption is sad. it is different when it is the rest of the world talking bad behind your back, its another thing when its you talking bad into the mirror. it was refreshing to feel that the people are aware and tired of being lied about and to. as difficult as things may be, we have not perished and if anything, we have had our egos checked. the common humanity of wanting to push forward together was felt and i think that is more our focus than what they would have you believe. having to dig through their white noise makes it difficult. it makes you question whether or not that is the point, but that gathering and the satellite rallies around the country and world [apparently up to 84 countries] told me that we are not wrong. that i was and will continue to be a part of community that will not pandered to. as jon said, seeing everyone restored his sanity and empowered my own. sometimes you just need to know that its not just you laughing alone to yourself. that someone else sees what you see.
though it seems to have baffled the talking heads, i know what i felt and experienced. i get to say i was amongst the counted of people who are rarely seen or heard at an event that will be referenced again and again. will there be some massive change? who knows. maybe just maybe we will get our news back, instead of people trying to be entertaining. but i think the simple fact that the rally occurred proves that change that is happening all around us and this was just a chance to be seen. to prove that it is legitimate and real. i'll never forget it. i find myself inspired to continue on this trajectory of just trying to be the best person i can be and push to be a force of good. design is in bed with the very thing we were rallying against. we study these manipulations. i made a conscious decision not to be a part of it and becoming an ethical designer and educator. its the small but important conflict that i choose to face. i think if more people figure out what their role is, because trust me you have one, we will be better off. if everyone stepped up their awareness and realized you do not have to be force fed anything.
funnily enough i cannot wait until the daily show and colbert report comes back on to comment on their own event and the coverage of it. but if there was anything else left to say, thank you to these gentlemen, their staff, and all the people who came out. the experience was truly made by you and will resonate because of you.
how cool was that though...we got to represent ourselves for a change.
and i was there. i will take being tired in exchange for that.
No comments:
Post a Comment