as of friday at 5:25 am, i've been on this planet for 24 years. now i stand at the start of a new year. my resolution has been the same since i turned 22: be in a better place by this time next year. this could mean emotionally, spiritually, physically, financially, professionally, intellectually. no matter the cause i have to see progress and as 23 was a good year, i like what lays before me. i was nervous just this time a week ago, sitting in my room alone and starving. now my belly is full, heart overflowing, and recovering from a night of revelry with friends and strangers.
its amazing how quickly the tide can change.
one opportunity has changed my mood significantly: i'm going to be a teaching assistant this semester. not only a great opportunity but the pay will go towards paying off my tuition bill for the spring. getting to my brother's wedding just got easier. such a feeling of relief that i almost cried when i got that email. talking to siblings and old friends i realized how good my life is. i feel good about where my life is headed, the decisions i have made, the work i am making, and the connections that will persist. i am thankful. i am determined to work as hard to do justice by this. its all inspiration to continue moving forward.
to keep fighting.
it does not surprise me that the soundtrack to this time is incubus and 30 seconds to mars. incubus has always riled a part of me to rebel and be a joyful defiant outsider. an outlet to express my anger and disgust while also inspiring how i would aspire to be more. their sounds have been pushing me for as long as i can remember. don't be scared, you can go there, you can be that woman you dream of becoming.
their latest album title sums up how i feel: if not now when?
the newcomers to the love list have provided an anthemic soundtrack aptly named this is war. a roaring emotional record that gives me chills, makes me dance, inspires tears, awakens the fighter in me. what more could i ask for from them? the impact is swift, a clean cut shock to system. i feel awake. i feel ready to fight through another year.
i will continue on this path knowing that i went through my 23rd year living the life i've always wanted to the best of my ability and only saw things improve. i only saw me become more like myself than i have ever been. i know who she is and i like her. i will continue to nurture and care for her through what will be my last year of college life. looking back, i like what i saw in 23 and 24 is shapely up quite nicely. i will make this one count.
according to charles baudelaire's philosophy, i intend to live the life of a drunkard. i intend to be full my whole life, no matter how empty my pockets or stomach may be. my high tolerance will only serve me well in this regard. stagger or stumble, i will continually have a drink in hand.
cheers.
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