idea: escape & discovery

last night was good. i created something new. a new commission for a friend of mine and it felt nice to feel how i used to. bouncing around in my seat, composing to a beat. performing for no one.

i have learned something about myself. i am an escapist.

in the sense that everything i truly love doing is an escape from my own mind. i feel trapped in there sometimes, so when i am focused like a white line of blinding light, i am at ease. my obsessiveness barreling through every piece of freedom i can find.

this does not sadden me.

i am thankful i know this. and also that i am interested in so many odd and cultural things that my curiosity assures that i will never become boring. i am actively making myself a better version of myself by following my instincts, interests, whimsies as they run wild.

leaving my mind wide open.

i am also thankful that there is so much information in the world that i can never run out of music, movies, interviews, blogs, articles, photos, art, architecture, history, characters....there is just too much. if i do grow weary, its my own laziness or depressive side taking over momentarily.

i think i may start a new part of phd based on this idea. what i learned or discovered today? because i do learn something new everyday and have a horrible memory because there is constantly new information pushing the old stuff out.

escaping is just discovery.

every time, i set across a new terrain with my mental adventures. until i can have my physical ones, my to do list grows long.

i wish i could see my brain activity. it must be off the charts.